My kids are good sleepers. Usually.
We have our issues, of course, because they are kids and are required by some unwritten law to test every boundary, pushing the limits of parental patience. I wrote once before about my oldest’s ninja-like stealth after bedtime, and we have our share of bad dreams and teething-related night wakings. You know, typical kid stuff.
For the most part, however, we have been very blessed. Aside from infrequent, random bad nights, the boys have historically been easy nighttime kids.
Until this week.
I believe the little one may be some sort of toddler genius. I think he can tell time. I also believe he has crafted an alarm system that is connected to my bedside alarm, whether psychically or through some complicated mechanical process developed by the toddler genius himself. The reason I suspect this is that for the last week, maybe a bit longer, that child wakes up five to ten minutes before my alarm is set to go off. Like clockwork. His crafty alarm system wakes him, and he begins chatting, singing, crying and generally making a whole lot of noise.
I don’t know about you, but there are few things more annoying than waking up, or being woken up, out of a peaceful sleep and realizing that you do not have the luxury of going back to dreamland. Oh, I know. What a sad, first-world problem. I’m not saying this is a serious, deep issue that needs national attention. I’m just saying it’s annoying. Really, really annoying.
My goal is to get up before the children do and accomplish a few things. I try to write a little, check emails, attempt some quiet time, do a chore or two, take a shower… What I do during that time varies from day-to-day, but the point is that it’s my time. I’m not a morning person, but now that I have kids I’m not really a night person, either. Those little suckers wear me out and I am usually drooling on myself by bed time. So the morning is my one chance to face the world with a little bit of clarity.
This morning routine takes a lot of discipline on my part. (Full disclosure: I fail, often, and go back to sleep after hitting snooze. I am not proud of this.) I’m not very flexible before my first cup of coffee, and I don’t exactly roll with it. If I’m going to suck it up and get out of my super comfortable bed, then it better be on my terms. I find it really irritating to have my wake up time dictated by the kids. They dictate so much of my day, and though it’s admittedly selfish, I want my mornings to myself. Dammit.
So back to the human alarm. How do I know toddler genius has created this complicated alarm system? Well, I can’t be certain, since in spite of his highly advanced time-telling and clock-building skills, the little guy has a limited vocabulary. He lacks the words to explain how he’s accomplishing his current feat. All I know is that he is eerily accurate. I’ve tested him by varying my alarm times, and it doesn’t matter. He starts his jabbering within about 10 minutes of when my alarm is set to go off. It’s creepy.
I wonder why kids are able to do stuff like this?
Is it because we’re so deeply, emotionally connected to our kids? Is it because they are tiny Dr. Evils and want to control our every move? Is it because they don’t want us to have any peace and quiet, ever, and will go to great lengths to be included in our every waking moment? What is it with these little people?
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
I want to go back and tell pre-kid me to shut up every single time I said, “I’m tired,” or “I wanted to sleep in more today” <–when I woke up at 9am on a Saturday.
I think it's b/c they are Dr. Evil's and know when we are annoyed.
@Pop, We always talk about how pathetic we were pre-kids. Think of all we could have accomplished with all. that. time. Pitiful! These days, give us two kid-free hours and we put the army to shame. We can accomplish more in two hours than households with kids can accomplish in two weeks!
@Wonderfriend,
You’re right! Two hours before kids didn’t seem like much. But now, two hours seems like an eternity.
this reminds me how i learned a long time ago to never take a nap. because if i do, that’s when the kids wake up screaming only 20 minutes into their nap time!
@liz, I completely agree! So sad… no rest for moms. 😉
How DO they do that??! And what’s with the waking up chattering and blissful, while Mom is in the next room trying to get some much-needed shut eye? I love that they may be mini Dr. Evils, though…you may have just answered many questions I had about why/how my toddlers did things.
@Sherri @ Old Tweener, The “why” of the toddler is one of life’s greatest mysteries. Tiny, Dr. Evil-esque conspirators is really the only explanation. Ha.
Bingo. They don’t want us to ever have any peace and quiet. Ever. I know exactly this annoyance you speak of. In fact, my son has been perhaps the worst sleeper on the face of this earth, but in the last month or two, has finally settled in to waking up at a decent hour. I am uber impressed that you make the effort to get up before the kids and actually do stuff. My body simply won’t allow me to do it.
@The Flying Chalupa, Don’t be too impressed – I fail. A lot. But my intentions are good. And what’s that they say about good intentions? The road to hell and all…
Give it some time, though – you are still in major sleep deprivation recovery. It takes a while to get over that! I don’t think we ever totally recover, but the horror of those early months and years does pass, I promise. Hang in there!
Oh, don’t make me cry.
I’d do anything for SLEEP!
I have not slept luxurious roll around in the bed wake up on my own sleep since 1994.
This fact makes me want to cry.
That, and going on my 16th year without sleep will do it, too.
@Alexandra, Oh my gosh – I barely remember it, that feeling of waking up on your own.
I’m with you – I kind of feel like crying!
Even once they’re consistently sleeping through the night, you’re still on high alert. For the rest of your life. Well, how’s that for cheery, good news?! Ha.
I love this post! Kids are amazing and intuitive and absolutely freaky at times!!
@Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop., So freaky. I do love how intuitive they are and how deep that mother-child connection goes, but it is also bizarre!
It’s because he hates you.
Just kidding.
OK. Really, I have no answers for you. But, I am laughing because I know exactly what you mean. I think I abandoned the whole get up before my kids idea a long time ago. Heck, they’re lucky if I get up within ten minutes of them waking up. Eck. I hate mornings.
@Amber, I’m pretty sure that I could set my alarm for 4 and he would still be up before me. It’s crazy! I know they will one day be sleepy teenagers and I’ll have to kick them out of bed, but I can’t see that far ahead right now…
I believe it is simply this: no one wants to be left out of a good thing.
@KLZ, That’s so true. Learning to decipher that what makes a good thing for someone else, doesn’t always make a good thing for you – that’s a tough lesson for kids (and adults if we’re being honest!).
Hope your week has improved re: sleep. How’s it going?