We took a family field trip to Costco last Friday, and we were on a mission. Our objective was to obtain what we needed for a cocktail party that evening. Nothing more.
We failed.
When it was time to leave, I told the children that we did not have room for both of them and our purchases in the car. One of them would have to remain at Costco until we could go home, unload the loot, and return for the child. H, the four year old, quickly offered up his brother. We shrugged and told P, Sorry, this is just one of the many problems that stem from not being able to speak for yourself. I guess you’re stuck at Costco for a couple hours.
Of course we didn’t leave a kid there. We didn’t even consider doing that. Not seriously, anyway. But the cart was so insanely heavy, laden with our Cocktail Party And Then Some purchases, that it was serious work pushing that cart to the car. Bonus: no need to work out later in the day.
We lose our minds in Costco. To illustrate, a little story about tennis balls.
Once up on a time, pre-kids, we had a dog-child. Instead of attending birthday parties and play dates, we spent a lot of free time with our dog. We took her on long walks and played at the park, often throwing a tennis ball for her to fetch.
During this time we joined Costco and took our first trip to the promised land. While wandering up and down every aisle we happened upon cases and cases of tennis balls. We use tennis balls, we should buy these. Yes, great idea!
So we took home a case of tennis balls. For the dog. God rest her soul, Gretchen the German Shepherd is now running around the great dog park in the sky. But us? We still have two thirds of a case of tennis balls. For the dog.
I am convinced that the geniuses behind Costco pipe an odorless, colorless gas into those warehouses. Well, it’s more likely a hot-dog-pizza-cinnamon-roll-scented gas. Either way, this gas goes straight to the Shopping Center in your brain and immediately shuts down the Common Sense and Financial Responsibility sections.
My husband is typically very fiscally responsible. He’s not a shopper. He is not swayed by shiny, sparkly displays. He does not fall prey to attractive lables and pretty packaging. I may or may not be the exact opposite of my husband. Ahem. Mark, however, is usually the voice of reason. But even he succumbs to the power of Costco every time. The tennis ball purchase was entirely his idea. That’s my version of the story, anyway.
So I wonder why Costco holds this power over us?
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
Oh my goodness, I feel your pain. We are Sam’s addicts. I rarely go with a list, because I know it is useless, truly useless.
I control myself in all other kinds of shopping but forget Sam’s.
Hope the cocktail party was a success!
@Christina, I know! Why bother with a list? Well, we take a list so we get the things we go for, but I always leave room to go off – way off – the list. 🙂
If this is the costco edition post shouldn’t I be getting more than one?
I let my Sam’s Club membership lapse. I’m ambivalent about those shopper’s clubs, for reasons like 4,000 tennis balls in the coat closet (or wherever).
Yes, I have a big family and a big house, but I just can’t store 1200 rolls of tp and another 3500 rolls of Bounty….And no one needs a gross of mac and cheese *that* badly!
(My kids are sad…They felt it was like some kind of crazy Santa’s Workshop kind of place. 14 pounds of M&Ms in one bag? Game on.)
@alyson: common sense, dancing, You are my self-control, restraint hero. 😉 I get it, though – the bulk food actually gives me the creeps. It inevitably goes to waste at our house. I get in trouble with all the other “stuff” – appliances, Christmas decoration, the book table, etc. If I leave without a book, Mark and I do a high-five for my amazing self control!
I have never been to Costco or Sam’s, but I suspect my defenses would be weak. I can barely get out of Walmart with a single cart. I think it’s hard to stand in a place of such abundance and not feel like you’re missing out by not buying more, more, more. Or at least that’s what the purveyors of that gas you mentioned want us to fee, right? 🙂
@Kristen @ Motherese, I completely agree! The marketing geniuses behind Walmart, Target, and the like – they are scary good. I know I’m smarter than all that, but every once in a while they get me with all the shiny displays of “must have” items.
This was so cute! Loved the part about the cinnamon/hot-dog gas being piped into the place so that your brain is partly shut down. Do you ever notice any “undsits” while there?? 🙂
@Kelley, That place is an undsit central!
Oh my gosh! I know exactly what you mean! My husband who is usually very frugal…goes crazy in Costco. I am not as frugal and yet don’t get lured in like him.
That being said, we’re lucky if we get out of there with only our “list” items. Costco has some kind of “pull”…you are right about that!
@Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom), Isn’t it kind of scary when you suddenly decide you must have something you had no idea even existed? I don’t what it is… After this post, and reading people’s comments, I’m challenging myself to stick to the list at Costco and Target. I know I can do it!
This is so true! My husband is no longer allowed to go to Costco alone…he comes home with electronics – big ones!
@Kristin, We will never send the husbands together. No telling what they’d bring home…
Makes me want to go buy a bunch of shit! Love it. We once had a cat-child before baby. I hardly know if the thing is alive anymore.
http://www.pampersandpinot.com
@Kristy, The poor pets! Ours moved out of our room – she used to sleep on the floor at the foot of our bed – and into the laundry room about five days after we brought our first baby home. She was tired of being woken up at night! I felt her pain…
Oh, I too have been overcome by the power of Costco. Many times. And ours is only about 3 miles from home, so it’s just TOO easy to stop in to see if they have something. Something that we inevitably didn’t need in such a mass quantity.
Like cough syrup in huge bottles, in a 2-pack. I may have to start serving it as a cocktail just to get rid of it.
@Sherri @ Old Tweener, Ha! It is cold and flu season after all…
Mark once bought a 2-pack of GIANT ibuprofen bottles and they expired before we even got through half of one bottle. No more bulk pharmaceuticals.
That post right there?
Is why I won’t go to Costco.
My hubs goes with the kids, but I won’t …oh I won;t.