Backpack? Check.
Lunchbox? Check.
An entire week’s worth of school clothes ironed and set aside? Check.
Everything labeled? Check.
School supplies delivered to the classroom? Check.
Camera battery charged for those first day pictures? Check.
Everything that has to be done before the first day of school, all the stuff that has to be organized, straightened, signed, noted, called, etc.? Check.
Kid in bed, sleeping soundly so he’s well rested for the big day? Check.
It’s all done. Well, everything except for actually taking the child to the school and leaving him there. But by the time you read this, that will probably be done, too.
So why can’t I shut down my brain and go to sleep? Or put my wired brain to work and write something? Why am I staring into space, thinking about everything and nothing all at once?
I think it’s because I need to have the meltdown. The my-baby-is-growing-up-too-fast meltdown, with the sobs and the snot and the puffy eyes. But aside from flirting with weepiness at HEB yesterday when an organic dairy shortage* nearly sent me over the edge, I haven’t lost it yet. A friend of mine who is also sending her kids to kindergarten tomorrow was saying she needs to have the big cry, too. We’re afraid we’ll be in puddles in the elementary school cafeteria if we don’t get our tears out of the way.
That is a big concern: I must look happy, happy, joy, joy in front of the H-man. No quivering lip in front of him. He’s so excited and confident that at random intervals yesterday he would blurt, “I can’t wait for kindergarten tomorrow! I love my school and my teacher!” He also declared that he can walk there and back by himself, telling me that “I have this covered, mom.”
I definitely don’t want to bring him down. No sad mommy routine here.
But I also think getting the meltdown out of the way would be good for me. Perhaps I’d once again have the ability to concentrate. Wouldn’t it be great if I could talk – or think – about something other than kindergarten?
Then again, that’s what mothers do.
We think, worry, pray, talk, obsess. And eventually, the new normal settles in, allowing us to access the rest of our brains. Allowing our hearts to beat out a regular rhythm again. Allowing us to find something new to keep us up at night.
I wonder…
:: When is the last time you had a serious cry? And what brought it on?
:: Does anyone else find that no matter how organized you are, the night (or couple nights) before any kind of big event leaves you wide awake, mind racing?
*As for that organic dairy shortage… Apparently it’s due to the drought. It seems that hormone-laced cows are still just pumping out the milk. But the hormone-free, organic cows? They are suffering. This drought stinks. I don’t actually know all the details about why the drought is causing more issues for organic dairy. All I know is what the little sign hanging in the milk case told me, which, in short, was: drought, shortage, organic. I’ll be looking into this, though, just as soon as I stop blathering about kindergarten.
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
it’s been a really long time since i’ve had a meltdown… i tend to hold my shit inside. inside to the point where my stomach melts down instead of my exterior facade. in fact, i’m going to a gi doc in 5 weeks to give him a look at my stomach lining, and i take pepto every morning to try and keep an ulcer at bay. *sigh* yes, meltdowns are good every once in a while, because it means you aren’t holding everything inside. people definitely have a maximum capacity.
After that first day everything will be much easier… until he gets to middle school and let me tell you… that first day nearly killed me!
Oh, Missy. You deserve a good cry. A snotty, red-faced, bleary-eyed cry. It is hard to reach these milestones without a touch of sadness. That is just one of the many, many pitfalls of being a woman and mother.
But oh, the joy! I bet you will enjoy a little slice of joy when you greet H-man after school. The stories. The new friends. Or seeing old friends. Enjoy that moment. Soak in every little detail. Enjoy those moments of pure joy. And then a really good cry tonight when you finally are able to truly relax!
Did you? Meltdown? I do think it’s fabulous he was so excited about kindergarten and not nervous and clingy and upset. That’s a plus right?
I don’t remember when I had a good cry either. I’ve teared up at blog posts before. I’ve teared up cutting onions (haha). But a big cry – it’s been a while. I don’t know whether to be glad or sad about that.
Sending you some love my friend. I understand.
As far as meltdowns or a good cry, I had one recently. Just found out a very young friend got diagnosed with a horrible disease. The prognosis doesn’t look good. Just broke my heart.
Oh, my friend. I can still picture my baby in her little blond pigtails, her shorts and tank top (we live in California and no I didn’t iron them!) and her white white white shoes…
She skipped across the yard to her kindergarten classroom with barely a backward glance. I don’t think she weighed even 30 pounds. She was so little.
Tomorrow I’ll be dropping her and her brother off at the local middle school. At this age, they don’t even know their schedules before they show up (to avoid parental complaints or requests for change, I suppose?)
I will wave goodbye at 8:30 and not know a thing about their days until 3:15. REALLY?!?
On my baby girl’s last day of fifth grade, I sobbed. all. day. long. I was a volunteer for her class and she asked if we could go around to all her previous teachers so they could sign her yearbook and she could thank them. I had to stand outside each room because I was bawling so hard.
I cried while we walked off campus to our car. “I can’t believe we may never be at this elementary school again…”
She shrugged. A little embarrassed, probably. She didn’t understand. “The school isn’t going anywhere,” she said.
“But you are,” I gurgled.
“Where am I going?”
Eureka. That’s the problem. I don’t know where she’s going. Or her older brother. But they’re heading “there” so quickly.
So yeah. You’ll cry. You probably already have (by the time you read this comment). And you’ll cry again. Tears of sadness and joy. Many more times.
My son is testing for his black belt in November after six years of training. I will totally cry. Not because the studio is going anywhere. Or because we won’t be taking class again the very next day.
But because someday he won’t be here. How is that possible?
Soak it up, my friend. You’ll be me someday.
Sooner than you think. And it’s beautiful and sad and amazing.
And damp.
XO
p.s. Sorry I blogged in your comments.
I can guarantee if something important is going on the next day, sleep is out of the question for me. I might as well clean the house, blog, read a good book, do something productive, because counting sheep isn’t going to do me a wink of good. 🙂
Well said, my friend. I had a good cry today, yet I still feel on the verge of tears right now. In a week I’ll be better, more grounded, appreciating the routine. Tonight? Sadness. Worry. Sigh.
Oh you will hold it together until you walk back to the car. At least, that’s what happened to me. But when you go and pick him up and you seem him beaming from ear to ear your heart will be at ease.
The last time I had a good cry was a few months ago when my father and I had a fight. We haven’t fought since I was a child. We worked it all out, but while in the midst of it, I was crushed!
I hope it went well today!
School is far away from us, but I bet I’ll be a list-making, clothes-prepping, super sobby mess.
The last time I cried was Friday night while crouched behind the crib I had pushed in front of the door to protect us from the supposed Kermit prowler. Seriously, so scary. Felt like a dummy afterward though!
Me?
What??
Only from the minute I open my eyes till I close them, and then, still the tears, eek out behind the closed lids.
xo
I get insomnia for small things, so the beginning of kindergarten is sure to have me up for a week straight. I hope today went well, and that the new normal comes soon and lasts awhile before the next sleep-ruining issue!
A meltdown, sure i deserve one 😉
I always figured that was the point of sappy movies – to give people the opportunity to get out big cries they’ve been saving up!
Or you could try punching yourself.
I think that’d make me cry.
I hate the feeling of the big cry coming on. But I love the feeling after I’ve had the big cry followed by the big nap. It’s cathartic and must happen from time to time.
The last time I had the big cry was when I started seriously thinking about my finances and how I could possibly live through grad school and pay rent and eat and take care of a puppy on zero dollars. *sigh* Still so stressful.
As you know my YOUNGEST started kindy last week. She did more than amazing since she’s been counting down the days til she would be able to start big kid school. It has been a well-anticipated even from when she was still in diapers.
Me? Not so much. It’s the end of our time at home, the days we spend on the couch watching Nick Jr or running errands as just the girls. So yes.. last week, I was near epic breakdown, severe depression. This could be partly attributed to the fact it was THAT TIME for me as well. My house was not a pretty picture..
Oh my gosh, so I love a good cry, and I don’t do it enough. My friend and I were just discussing this. Things build way too quickly for me and I try to be all strong mommy and wife…and then it comes crashing down in tears. My friend swears by Cinema Paraidiso. I’ve never seen it, but I def have my go-to crying movies. But I prefer to sob in the shower, myself.
I hope the first day goes/went well.