If my kids turn out okay, it might be a testament to my self control. Or it might be a miracle.
My money is on a miracle.
When the kids are melting down, I have to fire up Wise, Patient Mom, and she does not come naturally to me. Take this example from a recent evening that started with me in heels and pearls (no, it did not), and ended with me huddled under the duvet, whimpering (but then, that’s how most nights end).
On this night, H was devastated because he couldn’t figure out the answer to one of his math questions. A question on his optional math homework, by the way. Optional: of no bearing on his future, except for you know, the learning part. I do suppose the learning is important.
He did, in fact, know the answer to this particular question, but I think he was tired and simply not firing on all cylinders. By that I mean he was beside himself. Tears, frustration. Cries of, “Everyone else knows the answer. I’ll be the only one who didn’t answer the question!”
The things I wanted to say:
- You are not allowed to cry over optional math homework. Save the tears for the time in sixth grade when you wait until after dinner to tell me your science fair project is due in the morning. Then you can cry.
- How on earth would you know that everyone else in your class has the correct answer? Let me remind you that this is optional work. Some of them probably aren’t even doing this worksheet. Also, none of them are here, so we have no idea what their answers are.
- You seriously can’t come up with the answer? We just talked about it yesterday. Yesterday!
I refrained. Instead of throwing myself on the floor with frustration over optional kindergarten math homework resulting in hysterics, I managed to keep my cool.
We decided that he should go to bed, and take another look at the question in the morning. And guess what? After a good night’s sleep and a bowl of oatmeal, he immediately came up with the correct answer.
It was a good lesson. For me.
We have 11 3/4 more school years ahead of us, not counting college, and my sweet H is a lot like his mother. He’s not exactly a perfectionist, but he is definitely a complete-ist. He doesn’t want to do a project if he can’t complete it to his satisfaction.
This will be a challenge for him in school. I know. I’ve lived through it myself. It’s a blessing, really, that we realized this about him within the first six weeks of his school career, allowing me to also learn a lesson: I can’t bring the drama; he will have that covered. I have to keep my big, sarcastic mouth shut, and help him come up with a reasonable solution.
On the night in question, we got H settled in bed, feeling relieved to have a plan for finishing his (optional, did I mention?) homework at breakfast. As I was cleaning up and getting organized for the next day, I took a quick look at the rest of his worksheet. I held up the paper so Mark could see it, and pointed to question number 7.
“Gee, when he gets up in the morning do you think I should tell him that he also totally blew this question?”
“Noooo. Give me that paper, crazy lady.”
Perhaps I still have some learning to do.
I wonder…
:: What’s your greatest homework challenge with your kids?
:: Sometimes I am snarky and sarcastic with my kids (I think understanding sarcasm is a valuable social skill, so we, uh, teach it at home), but clearly, there are times when I have to be the grown up. Do you struggle with this in your parenting?
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
I. Hate. Homework.
It makes me insane. I am not patient at all with it.
my son is 9 years old, but he has a VERY clear understanding of what sarcasm is. he even tries to use it sometimes, although it falls off the mark most days. my biggest struggle is with my patience. i’ve always loved the idea of homeschooling my children. unfortunately, i use up every last ounce of patience just being a mom, and there’s NONE left for teaching. i figured that out when i tried to teach him to count to 10 when he was 4 years old. every time i consider trying to teach my kids something nowadays, i unwillingly imagine me banging my head on the floor repetitively as a more pleasurable option. i use my blog as my outlet for all words foul and sarcastic and try desperately to keep it to a minimum IRL.
They used to like me to quiz them for stuff a lot. I did it for years and years but eventually when they got into high school, I had to train them to do it themselves!
I’m still in the toddler years, so I don’t have to worry about homework yet. But I dread the day when I do. Especially math homework – I do not do maths. (Reading and language arts homework, however, I will rock.) I can only hope my teacher husband will step up when it comes to the maths. Because did I mention I don’t do maths?
Thankfully, I am past the having to help with homework phase! My oldest is in pre-calculus this year and I warned her from the first day that I would no longer be able to help her with math. I am not that smart. Thankfully she is smart and can also handle helping her younger sisters.
And yes. I’m slightly sarcastic with my kids. It’s bad. I know.
I’m so not looking forward to the whole homework thing. I will definitely be turning to you for advice since you’re a few years ahead of me. 😉
My husband and I joke that we liked to fight with EACH OTHER for who’s the baby and suddenly we had one. And then two.
No advice but at least you know you aren’t alone.
Oh, I so don’t want to tell you it’s going to get a lot worse.
But it’s going to get a lot worse.
My kids have hours of homework each night.
Hours.
Jack is 14 and in 4 honors classes and Spanish. He gets INSTANTLY frustrated if something doesn’t come to him immediately. He is somewhat “hard-work averse” if that is possible in so many damn honors classes. I told him he didn’t need to take such a rigorous schedule. He receives NO super-over-achiever pressure from his parents, I assure you. I am actually secretly hoping he goes to junior college and has a normal high school career devoid of all the CRAZINESS required to get into Harvard these days. (Ha!)
Still. All his friends are in the honors classes. So. That’s where he’s comfortable. And he’s smart so really he should be challenged.
Then there’s my daughter who wants so badly to be good (not just academically but as a person) to the point where she doesn’t even want me to know that something is difficult for her. Because then that would be “difficult” for me. Unlike Jack who will scream loudly that something is “stupid” or “impossible” or “pointless,” Karly sits and stews. Immobilized. Until she bursts into tears.
Nice.
So did I mention it takes hours for them to do their homework? And that none of it is optional?
Brace yourself, lady. Start a therapy fund now.
p.s. Sorry. I should probably just delete this comment now.
OMG YES! We’re not at the homework stage yet, but sometimes I just want to roll my eyes at them and say “Stop being so dramatic! I know you can pull up your underwear!” OK maybe i do roll my eyes at them and say that.
I hope I can muster up some patience when they go to actual school. I like how you recognize yourself in him and can use that to better parent him. I wonder if I have those instincts sometimes.
My kids are way too young for homework yet, but there are a few things that scare the bejeezus out of me. First is “new math.” Math is something I get – I’ve always just gotten it – but, if I have to relearn stuff so that I can understand my kids’ processes, that will be horrible.
Also horrible? If my kids don’t get math . . . it’s so cut & dry in my mind (making mistakes is one thing, but not understanding how to follow a defined process is another) that I worry about trying to help them understand something they don’t get.
Reading & poetry interpretation & all of that good stuff – well, we’ll figure that out as it comes about.
I often struggle to be a grown-up. Thankfully, I don’t have any kids, so often nobody’s paying attention.
Haven’t hit homework yet…
I do struggle with being patient when my daughter has a meltdown. Often I want to say “Really?!” but I end up remembering (just in time) she’s 3…. and I should be a bit more patient – after all, I am the adult 😉
There are days when I think the whole point of parenting isn’t to raise the kids, but to teach us parents how to finally become grown ups. It’s a process for me – 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. 5 steps forward, 1 step back.
But I imagine that’s what being a kid is too.