My title today is one of my favorite lines from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. (The not dead yet part of the title, that is. Not the toothbrush part.) I think of it often when life beats me down. You may hack away at me, leaving me limbless, but I’m not dead yet.
Honestly, this week was not bad and I didn’t even feel like anyone was swinging an ax at my appendages. What this week was, however, was busy.
I single parented for a couple days, which in and of itself was not awful. I rocked it, actually, but I do need to say this to all single parents: YOU ARE AMAZING. God bless you. It’s one thing to rock it solo for two days, quite another to do so every day. Any time I’m on my own with the kids, I find myself saying a prayer for the single parents out there.
What made this week busy was the constant changing of the diapers. The gross, icky, sick diapers. That’s all I’m going to say, because I know you don’t want to read about it. Also, the last time I blogged about that, it resulted in some weirdos landing on my site thanks to their very odd internet searches.
As illness goes, this has not been the worst week we’ve ever had around here. I’d have to say that overall it hasn’t been even in the Top 5. I just realized early on, however, that my time was going to be best spent keeping the kids alive, the house in order, and my sanity in check. And therefore, I was absent from the internet. Even Twitter. Gasp.
Since I know you’ve been pining away, wondering where I was, why I haven’t read your blog or written a single word on mine, I thought you deserved the above explanation. {Again, I long for a sarcasm button.}
We missed Wonder Why Wednsday. And by we, I mean me. You are not responsible for Wonder Why Wednesday, so let go of that guilt.
I was going to replace it with something cute, like Thoughtful Thursdays, but that made me want to barf. Who needs cute and thoughtful? Instead, I’m just throwing out a quick why? thought…
I have a fancy, schmancy Sonicare toothbrush. Doesn’t everyone have some sort of electric or battery powered, spinning, vibrating toothbrush these days? I am no exception. My teeth no longer feel clean enough with just a plain, old school, toothbrushing. I must have the power.
But here’s the thing: I cannot handle the power.
I, the very neat and tidy woman that I am, make an enormous mess almost every time I brush my teeth. It should be simple – don’t turn on the brush until it’s safely inside a closed mouth. Right?
No.
I encounter some sort of slip up almost every time I brush.
I accidentally hit the on button when the brush isn’t in my mouth. I accidentally open my mouth while brushing (again, seems like a no brainer that I would keep my mouth closed, but apparently not). I drop the toothbrush while it’s still turned on (I have zero explanation for that).
My bathroom mirror is assaulted several times a day, thanks to my toothbrush. I do clean it, so you can wipe that smug ewww, her bathroom mirror is covered in spit look off your face.
So I wonder why I’m toothbrush deficient? Oh, and do you have any modern convenience tools that are just too much for you to handle?
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
Nope, smug smile is still on my face.
I want a sonic care brush so bad and now I am rethinking that. Thanks for that!!
Sorry about the gross, sicky diapers, so don’t miss those days.
@Christina, Oh, it’s worth the mess. Your teeth have never felt so clean! Now, your mirror, however… that will be another issue!
I feel peppyyyyyyy….! (ha, ha, ha, I couldn’t resist)
@Kristy, Love it. 🙂
I can’t resist a reference to Monty Python. The other night (while Big Roo was brushing his teeth coincidentally), I mentioned something about the “Knights who say ni” and he started cracking up because it sounded funny.
As far as modern convenience tools, I couldn’t ever handle texting back when it was having to hit #1 three times to get a dang C. SOOO glad I have an iPhone now.
@Melissa {adventuroo}, I was so happy to see that there are other Monty Python fans out there!! I’m laughing, because we used to crack up H saying “knights who say ni!” too. I have to agree with the boys – it’s funny.
Yes on the texting. Wasn’t that miserable when you had to hit 85 keystrokes to create one sentence?
I don’t have a spinning toothbrush but my guess is the experience would go a lot like yours.
Sorry about the hectic week. I too had sick little one over here and all I could do was just keep our heads above water. It IS hard when we parent on our own…no breaks at all and even harder when you’ve got a sick one to take care of.
Hope all is better or getting there and that you get some R&R this weekend.
@Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom), How’s your sick one? Better? So far, so good here this week. I am crossing fingers, knocking on wood, praying that it stays that way!
Oh, the Sonicare Spittle Conundrum. Yep. Been there. Done that. Got nothing for you. I seem to have trouble with every modern convenience tool that I come into contact with. I blame it on a blatant disregard for instructions.
Hope the little ones are feeling better! It seems like we’re jumping from one cold to the next in our house, too, – and my husband just got diagnosed w/ a staph infection. AWESOME.
@The Flying Chalupa, Oh – how is your husband?! That’s serious business. I hope you guys are all well SOON.
As for instruction manuals, they might as well be in Swahili. I cannot read them. I refuse to try. 🙂
First off, I love that line from Monte Python.
Second, I, too, wish for a sarcasm button. Though, I fear I would abundantly use it (as in overuse it).
Third, my husband has been out of town since Thursday and is finally coming in late tonight. Not that it really matters, he is currently working two full-time jobs so he is rarely home when the kids are awake. Still, I can empathize. There is something about my husband being absent at night that makes my kids wake up every freaking hour. What the heck? Oh, yeah, and sick. I mean, can’t they wait until he gets back? Rude.
Last, I don’t own an electric tooth brush. *Gasp.* But, I do manage to make a mess with my own non electric toothbrush. Don’t even ask how that is possible.
@Amber, Look at your new picture!! Cute!
It’s true – the kids have a one-parent-radar and everything always goes haywire when the household is short staffed. It’s some kind of unwritten law of kids…
I don’t bake much….the electric hand mixer is my enemy. I usually spray batter everywhere.
I guess that’s not really unlike the toothpaste all over the bathroom from the power brush. LOL
@kimmie, Oh, I do that, too. We always laugh because I cannot bake without making a huge mess. Flour everywhere, batter sprayed all over the back splash. Reason enough for me to let the pros at the bakery take care of it…
My huz bought spinning toothbrushes for our two kids who then managed to send stuff flying all over the bathroom when they brushed. I threw ’em away! As for me, I have a hate-hate relationship with my hairdryer. It can tangle my hair in hundreds of tiny knots, and it can make my hair stand on end. But I can’t use it to style my hair. I’m sure it’s the hairdryer and not me, right?
I’m leaving a comment in your general direction (be glad it’s not a fart). Turning on the Sonicare when it’s not in your mouth is bad. Very bad.
And for me, I wonder why I smell of elderberries?