I was flipping through a magazine the other day, only looking at the pictures because I was supposed to be cleaning the house. I assuaged my guilt by committing half-assed procrastination. Reading the articles would have been earnest procrastination.
In this magazine there was a spread on floor lamps. I stared with longing at the gorgeous shades and bases, some modern and funky, some impeccably classic. I love lamps. In fact, I own more lamps than I have places to put them, so some are in storage in my scary junk/holiday decor closet. It may be a mess in there, but it’s a well-lit mess.
So. The floor lamps. I don’t have any right now because I have children instead. I’m sure many of you have both kids and floor lamps, but I just can’t do it. The way our house is set up, there is nowhere to tuck a lamp base where it would be safe from rogue toy shopping carts. Or rogue children. A floor lamp in my house would be prone in two seconds flat.
I imagine it sounds like my kids are out of control. Mostly, they are not. Mostly, they are great kids. But they’re boys and they’re under the age of five, and therefore, they are spazzy. My mother (remember her, with the sermonettes?), always says, “You can have nice things, or you can have kids and pets. You cannot have both.” That’s Sermonette #241, by the way.
She’s kind of right. I have a lot of lovely items; some are fancy pants and some are lovely in their sentimental value. But all of those things live high out of reach or behind locked doors. Granted, most of the locked doors are glass, and two of those glass panes are cracked, thanks to Pat, the Handy Manny hammer. It’s impossible to protect all of your stuff. And I don’t worry about it too much. I chose to have kids and a life, and it’s messy. I’m okay with that.
And yet… sometimes I get a little covet-y. I have fantasies of rooms upholstered in shades of white and cream, every surface covered with glass and crystal and delicate fabrics and books – with paper, not cardboard – pages.
When I allow myself to think about the things I don’t have or do because I chose spazzy, rougue children instead of a pristine, peaceful life, I’m quickly reminded that it was, indeed, a choice. Those imaginary rooms never have my kids in them, so before I know it, I’m re-imagining a more homey room. A room much like the one I’m sitting in now, littered with board books, stuffed animals and toy cars.
Acceptance and reality aside, I couldn’t help myself as I stared longingly at the floor lamps. I decided to make a list called Stuff I Can’t Have or Do Because Of You.
I’ll be posting it in the kitchen to remind my children just how much I love them. Look at all Mommy has given up for you! Now eat your peas and stop whining, darling dearest.
:: Finger print-less windows.
:: One of those fabulous mirrored bar carts. Fully stocked. I could have one, but it would be used for Lego storage. And it would be broken in so many places we’d have 70 decades of bad luck.
:: Along with liquor at the ready, I also cannot have easily accessible: knives, Tylenol or tampons. Somehow I think those items are all related…
:: A coherent conversation.
:: A private conversation.
:: A complete conversation of any kind.
:: A worry-free day. You kids are always on my mind and in my heart. I’m a mother. I worry.
:: A real vacation. Even if the children are not physically present, they are on my mind. Are they okay? What if they get hurt while I’m gone? What if the plane crashes?
:: Spontaneous romance.
:: A sick day, real or dramatized.
:: Floor lamps.
I wonder…
:: Do you allow yourself to daydream about what-if’s and solitude?
:: What’s on your list of Stuff I Can’t Have or Do Because Of You?
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
Time. I wish I simply had time to myself. This post hits home for me today!
Second school day off due to weather in a week….timely post, my friend!
I will have to compile my own list, which makes me sad because many of my items will be the same, and NONE of my children are under 5…You’d think we’d be getting better by now.
If you came to my house you would see absolutely NO decorative touches. Our couches are worn (or well loved) and perfect for jumping. Our floors are vacuumed on a regular basis to get rid of the crumbs spread by chubby, beautiful fingers. There are books and toys piled everywhere and our walls, kitchen table, and bookshelves have been decorated by a certain little girl’s crayon.
Even though there are times that I want to add decorative touches, I remember that these days are short and soon the kids will be grown up enough to allow me furniture and other things that will not be ruined in a second.
I do like your list, though, and think I might steal it for my own fridge.
I think you are confused!! Your house is like a magazine, even if there are toys around and it lacks floor lamps…it’s beautiful and you could practically be a designer.
I don’t think I would have a list of things I don’t have/do because of my kids because I will have that in about 15 years and then I’ll be an empty nester and wish for my children to be little again…live in the moment and enjoy 🙂
Once Kate learns to spell, that last form of communication is out the window.
I don’t know how we’ll soldier on once that day comes…
I need so much time, that I have to cram the magazine reading into 10 minutes I sit in the car waiting for my kids’ school dismissal.
pathetic!
Your list is great! I SO agree about the vacations part, even with older kids. Just last week I flew for work and kept thinking about how horribly my husband would raise the 12 year-old girl without me when the plane crashed. The boy? He’d be fine.
Haven’t had a floor lamp since the 80’s. Yeah, before kids.
I can totally relate to this! Especially the floor lamp…which we did have at one time but after it was knocked over about 20 times it finally gave up and broke into a couple hundred pieces!
Well we had a floor lamp and it survived the wrath of my toddler thus far…unforch after a night of too much drinking and a well thought out dodge by a blue rubber ball knocked me off kilter and into the lamp and it broke. Yup it’s not the kids you need to be afraid of, it’s drunken adults…and blue balls…of destruction
This was great! I totally relate! Life is opening up more for us as our child gets older (We have brought our coffee table back! We have a place to put our drinks!). But, there are still things to look forward to. Like, sleeping (a little?) later? And, watching more PG and PG-13 movies at will?
I’m pretty sure I would murder someone for a sick day. If I had the energy to do so. And a place to stash a body.
All so true. Both my kids are now in school until 3 every day. Everything changes. Well, not everything, but so much changes. I’m not saying I have floor lamps or spontaneous romance, but want you to know there is a dim light at the end of the tunnel!