Happy new year, friends!

My 2012 wish for you: a year of laughter. So let’s ring in the 12’s with a story of Christmas Past, and how it impacted New Year’s Present. As for the Future, if you’re paying attention you know the key word is laughter. Stick with me here.

Good stories don’t have to start at the beginning, but mediocre stories almost always start there. You be the judge, but I’m starting at the beginning today.

Seven years ago Mark and I were in the final stages of remodeling a 1930s era duplex into a single family home. It was the first time we’d ever had ample space to host Christmas Eve, and I was eager to do it up right.

My side of the family is German, and Mark’s includes some Huguenot and British (arrived on the Mayflower, yo) ancestry. My favorite German tradition is Hide the Pickle, but honestly, even though we have deep respect for our heritage, we don’t do a lot of traditionally German activities on Christmas. In fact, we eat Mexican food on Christmas Eve. We are a confused people.

Anyway, I wanted to pay homage to more of our heritage that year. I don’t think I completely succeeded at that, to tell you the truth. However, in the course of decorating and shopping, I found a box of Christmas Crackers at William-Sonoma. You know, the traditional British crackers that you pop open to find a paper crown, and prize and a joke? German though we are, my brother and I are also suckers for all things British, so I knew these would be a hit with both sides of the family. Besides, who doesn’t like to eat dinner whilst sporting a paper crown? Better yet, who doesn’t love to tear into a plate of enchiladas and tamales while wearing a paper crown?

Dinner is over, but look how much fun we're still having thanks to our paper hats!

My brother and Extreme Sports Santa (he - Santa, not my brother - tends to fall from his perches, so we choose to believe he's base jumping and not that he's had it up to HERE with all the Christmas business). Notice that lovely cord hanging down? As I said, we were nearing the end of our remodel... we clearly hadn't finished.

A good time had by all. Hooray, Christmas Crackers.

I guess all of the sawdust and paint fumes from the remodel had severely altered my brain, though, because I either didn’t see or didn’t understand the complicated system of numbers telling me how many crackers were in a box. The box clearly stated 24 pieces, which I either read as 2-4 pieces or didn’t read it all (I’m guessing the latter). For some reason I bought roughly 827 crackers. Or thereabouts. The result? At least a few crackers have been popped every year since. This year I opened the box to find I was finally down the last four.

Since I didn’t have enough crackers left for the entire extended family on Christmas, we waited until New Year’s Eve and enjoyed them with our kids. A gourmet dinner of Costco flautas and Wholly Guacamole* waiting for us, we popped those crackers and donned our paper crowns. The boys succeeded in tearing their crowns about 2.2 seconds later, but the jokes? Those are going to live for eternity. Here on the internet.

To start your 2012 off with uproarious, riotous laughter a giggle a smirk, I thought I’d share some of our cracker jokes:

Where do fish wash?
A river basin!

What did the fireman say when the church caught fire?
Holy Smoke!

(For this next one, read the answer in your best British accent.)
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Do you think he saw us?

Why do bakers work so hard?
Because they knead the dough!

What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A jelly baby!
(I do not get this. Any speakers of the King’s English out there want to help me out?)

To you and yours, Happy New Year! Wishing you joy, peace, and laughter in the year to come.

*I know I just claimed to enjoy cooking, but after the holiday feasting season, I’m way into taking a kitchen break.