The flesh wound portion of our story is coming, but first, did you notice I’ve been kind of an asshat and have not kept up with Tri My Way Thursdays? I’m sorry.
Wait, I’m not sorry. Does that make me even more of an asshat?
The thing is, I’ve been doing some blog-searching and decided that Tri My Way Thursdays is a waste of time, mine and yours.
Mind you, I’m still working toward my triathlon goals. If you could see me lurching around the house on legs that won’t properly bend due to overuse, you would believe me. Thank God you cannot see me. It’s not pretty.
I might tweet about how I’m doing with my fitness goals now and then, or include information in posts where appropriate, but say good-bye to Tri My Way Thursdays. We barely knew ye…
So speaking of asshats (subtlety, it’s my specialty), I am not doing well with another goal: improving my sleep habits. And lack of sleep turns me into a world class, well, you know.
For example.
Today I nearly stabbed myself with a paring knife.
While carrying said knife, a cutting board, and a bowl of strawberries to the table I almost offed myself. My plan was to prepare the toddler’s snack tableside. He’s all about the theatrics of food prep. Or I’m too lazy to stand at the counter and cut strawberries in advance of snack time. Let’s go with toddler foodie, okay?
In a moment of incredibly asshatted decision making, I turned the blade of the knife toward my abdomen and then proceeded to tuck the bowl of strawberries under the same arm. I’ll give you a minute to pantomime putting a knife in your left hand, blade sticking out on the same side as your thumb. Now imagine you have small bowl of strawberries and you place it in the crook of your left elbow. Curve your arm toward your body. Stabbed yourself, didn’t you?
I’m sure divine intervention saved my son from seeing mommy bleed all over his snack. In the split second after I caught my near disastrous error, I had this thought: This is a small knife. The wound almost certainly would not be deadly. If I did stab myself, I bet I’d get to spend at least one night in the hospital. Yay, a vacation!
See what I mean? An asshat.
This post is part of Word Up, YO!, a meme hosted by the fabulous ladies of A Belle, A Bean and a Chicago Dog; Mommy of a Monster (I Mean Toddler) & Infant Twins; and Taming Insanity.
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
Listen, blood in strawberries works. The color’s good, and the sodium/metallic taste would only serve to bring out the sweetness of the berries.
You’re on to something.
Call those people over at True Blood. If they get hungry from all that sex, they might be interested in your new snack recipe.
(Nice with the asshat, by the way.)
@Alyson: Common Sense, Dancing, And really? My kid would eat anything, covered in blood or not.
So I’ve heard that True Blood is worth watching even if you’re not all that in to vampires. What do you think? Because I really need a new TV obsession. Ha.
I once got tangled in the sheets and fell out of bed in the morning. I was disappointed that I didn’t break my leg as that would mean a day in the ER reading as opposed to going to school.
So, I hear ya sistah. Asshats forever!
@KLZ, Every once in a while, a comment makes you laugh out loud. I’m sorry you fell out of bed, but not really because that is funny stuff.
KLZ cracks me up! As for the knife…sounds like something I would do. Sigh.
@Natalie, Consider yourself warned now, and maybe you’ll be careful next time you’re working with knives.
Oh, and yes – KLZ’s comment made me laugh out loud. Love it.
Some days are just like that, aren’t they? LOL
I made it through Walmart….I call it good.
@kimmie, Absolutely! If we make it through errands in one piece, we call it a success.
Oy. That’s a day. Glad it’s merely a flesh wound. Bu ta vacation would have been very, very nice.
@gigi, What I need to figure out is how to get the vacation WITHOUT stabbing myself first.
i like that you called yourself an asshat.
the family doesn’t like it.
though your conjugation of asshat was divine.
@liz, Thank you so much. I was kind of proud of that.
I shudder at the thought of disappointing the family. How can I get back in good graces?