I’ve been trying to walk the line between writing honest posts and not getting too bare-my-soul, cry-on-your-shoulder, share-way-too-much-personal-information. Also, I like hyphenating things.
Anyway, I always enjoy reading blog posts that I know come from the heart without being too mushy, too sappy, too woe-is-me, too c. 1972 “I’m OK, You’re OK.”
Do you know what I’m getting at here? Real without being creepy or weepy.
So I already know this post is going to cross a few of the boundaries I set for myself when I started Wonder, Friend. That’s okay. I’ve been spending some time, Stuart Smalley style, self-talking my way into this.
July sucked, people. It sucked. Not all of it, but enough of it that I woke up on August 1 and thought, Shit. I’m tired. I’m emotionally drained. (One non-sucking thing was that my niece was born. That was good all the way around. Babies always win, even in a sucky month).
I started the month by making a huge mistake. Huge. I hurt someone close to me, who is important to me and to my family. My words hurt this person. I can never take that moment back, the moment when I chose to let emotion and exhaustion rule my brain. I regret it so much I can’t put it in words.
We’re working on getting back to normal, but for about half of July my stomach was permanently knotted. Oddly, this didn’t curb my eating one bit. God, what I wouldn’t give to be one of those people who stops eating when upset. I would be so skinny right now!
Anyone who flaps her lips (and fingers) as much as I do can probably count on eventually saying the wrong thing. It’s likely I’ve done this more than once without even realizing it (to anyone I’ve pissed off before: my sincerest apologies. Really, I am sorry. I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings.). This time, however, yikes. I really did it. I did a big thing, badly. Full disclosure – I stole that line and modified the usage a bit. It’s one of my all-time favorites, from one of my all-time favorites.
That fractured relationship marked the beginning of awareness month. During this same month I became aware that a couple other relationships have failed. Maybe because of me, maybe not. I honestly don’t know. But this new awareness has me feeling raw. I never claimed to be the best relationship builder/keeper. I guess I stupidly thought things always worked out they way they were supposed to. Now I know that due to some of my shortcomings, I screwed up a friendship or two. I feel like an idiot.
I’m aware now that I have no idea how to make and keep friends as an adult. I’m also now aware that I’m a whole lot more sensitive than I ever wanted to admit. I get my feelings hurt way too easily (one of several reasons that I find Facebook so toxic). To borrow an illustration from our pastor’s wife, I’m an eggshell person. People’s words and actions crack my delicate shell, and my hurt oozes out, making a nasty, salmonella-infested mess. Even worse, I’m an eggshell person who doesn’t (didn’t) know she’s an eggshell person. I’ve got yolk oozing everywhere and I’m in denial. On the upside, I’m a grass-fed, free range, antibiotic- and hormone-free egg.
There’s a lot of stuff I’m trying to improve upon. For one, growing a thicker skin. And for another, healing the relationships that are not beyond repair. These are just part of my improvement plan. You can expect to see some Wonder, Friend posts in coming days and weeks about changes I’m implementing in the following areas, in no particular order:
– Relating
– Eating (Making good choices, that is. I have the act of eating mastered, baby.)
– Exercising
– Wifing (according to Urban Dictionary this word means to “make one’s number one girl your wife”; I am adding an alternate definition: the art of being a good wife.)
– Mothering
– Praying
– Writing
– Sleeping (I know HOW to do this, I just don’t do enough of it.)
Have you ever royally screwed up a relationship? Did you rebuild it? How? HOW???
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
I don’t know.. what I do know is that bloggers like you who are so honest and open make it easier for others to open up. I think most people are too worried to write about the real deal in life, that it’s not always rainbows and unicorns. Thank you for putting yourself out there, I appreciate it.
Thanks for the kind words.
Stupid rainbows and unicorns – who needs ’em?!
I love this! Some times we need to reassess our situation and come up with a new game plan. There is nothing wrong with being an egg shell person. It means you care and you have feelings. Be proud, embrace it. You’ve got a lot of heart!
If it was a true friendship, and there really was an error, all you can do is apologize and if the friendship meant something to the other person they will have to make the choice whether to work on mending the friendship or ending it. If you sit back and do nothing than you have already lost. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, and when you add little sleep to the situation things get said and done that might not have otherwise. We are all guilty of this. Love yourself, you deserve it ( I think I heard Stuart Smalley say that once:)LOL
Debi
I totally agree about taking the steps to mend things. That’s where I am now, praying that it all works out and preparing myself for the fact that it might not!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I appreciate it!
I know exactly how you feel. I did this very thing not too long ago…all started from my hurt feelings, followed by my big mouth. Fortunately things are back to normal after a couple of months. Relationships are fragile, and we sometimes don’t realize it until we scratch past that invisible line. I hope things work out for you. Soul searching and self work helped me in repairing damage. We’re all human and make mistakes. It might take this person a while to sompletely forgive you, but love usually prevails.
I don’t know how you do it, but you always manage to make me feel better. I’m sorry that you had to go through this, too.
My whole situation stemmed from my hurt feelings, too!! And while I think I was justifiably hurt, I also think I ended up handling it really badly. And so, here we are. 🙂
Thanks again!
I have the opposite problem…I’m an avoider. It’s bad b/c I avoid to the point of letting some relationships fall by the wayside. I actually think that after some time, your relationship will probably be stronger and coming from a more honest place once the hurt feelings subside.
Oh, yes, I’ve done some avoiding before, too. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do/not to do. Gaaahhh. Being a grown up is not for sissies!
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it!!
I’m sorry about your month and about your stomach knots. For what it’s worth, you feeling regret and trying to improve speaks volumes.
Thank you, thank you. What a nice thing to say!
I can TOTALLY relate to your post. I never thought about being an eggshell person, but boy that pegs me! I’m also an insecure egomaniac! LOL (Actually, not so funny most times.)
Hang in there! Once we are aware, we can hope for change.
I love that – “insecure egomaniac.” I may steal it! Thanks for the encouragement.
I love this (followed you here today from Life Without Pink, another fabulous blog, eh??). Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can really relate to feeling this way. If a friendship in my life is suffering, I have the tendency to analyze all parts of the relationship and I begin to question my role as a friend. Chances are, you are a wonderful friend to those in your inner circle. But we’re all human and we make mistakes. Maybe there was a lapse in judgement, and I’m not sure what your relationship with this person is, but I’m sure that if you take it upon yourself to do some serious soul-searching and “build awareness” as you call it. When you’re ready, approach said person with what you’ve learned and how sorry you are and willing you are to make things right again…
I can’t promise it’ll fix things, but at least you’ll feel better that you did all you could to salvage what was left. I wish you the best of luck and am now following you on Twitter 🙂
Thanks for the kind words. Much appreciated!
hey there! As for the friendship sabotage, I can relate to one friendship that went south. I agree with Truthful Mommy that if it is a true friendship, it will survive the waves. I lost a friendship from college (am certain you know her :)) over petty circumstances. Years went by before we “made amends”. I found her email on a forward and emailed her to apologize for our differences at least 7-8 years later. We made amends. We have seen each other twice since then and we send Christmas cards, but its no thriving relationship. That said, I am glad I did the mending, but I firmly believe that God places certain friends in our lives at certain times for very specific reasons. Some of those endure and some don’t. The friendships that have truly lasted the long haul for me are without a doubt my friendships that were rooted in Christ. That said, one of my best friends in the world isn’t a Christian, but one of our hottest topics of discussion is our faith. God has a plan for all of our relationships:) So glad to be back in touch with you. I am working on all the above stated areas of improvement as well.
Aw..sorry last month was so tough for you! But the fact you are aware of hurt you have caused and are sick over it means you will work to change, so some good will come of it. I also eat like a crazy person when I’m stressed, so I’m with you!
Thanks, Cheryl. Wouldn’t it be nice to stress starve instead of stress eat? Oh well…
Things are already improving – slowly, but I see progress. Important lessons learned, for sure!
It totally sounds like my mom giving advice when I was a kid, but here goes; if the person is really your friend, she will accept the apology and forgive you. If not, she really wasn’t your friend. My mom always told me that. And you know what? She was right. A friend who doesn’t allow you to be human (read: fail at times) is not someone you need in your life.
You have made amends. It is out of your hands now.
My other advice: be kind to yourself. Time for you to let it go.
You’re absolutely right. Moms are the smartest (don’t we hope our kids say that one day?!). Thank you for kind advice – it’s appreciated. I see a light at the end of this tunnel – it’s small and far away, but at least I can see it!
I’m writhing a bit. This was SO familiar. Not recent, but not so long ago that I don’t remember the horror of it all. I’ll never stop regretting.
My number one rule: don’t respond via email. EVER. Words are deadly and leave permanent scars.
What did I do to repair? I begged for mercy. I wept gallons. I wrote new letters full of praise and regret and apology. They forgave me. I forgave myself (I think). I prayed for absolution. And most importantly…time.
I like your list of goals. I’m looking forward to reading about them.
Oh, Adelle, I’m sorry you had to go through it. I’m glad to hear that you’ve made progress on forgiving yourself. That’s been a struggle for me. Overall, things are much better. We’re making strides. But, ugh, I hate that I created this big mess with my big mouth!