There’s a lot I do not understand about the world.
For the most part, however, I’m okay with not understanding. There’s only so much space in my brain, and I’m pretty sure it’s been at capacity since around the seventh grade. I’m good with allowing mysteries to remain mysterious.
This attitude more than adequately explains why I have a practically unused news-editorial journalism minor tacked onto my B.A. degree. I make a terrible journalist. A key aspect of that job is a willingness to ask, pester, natter and ask some more until you get answers. Meh. You have no comment? Alrighty then.
Today, this all changes. Today, I demand some answers.
Why, in the name of all that is absorbent, must paper product companies use so much glue to stick down that first sheet?
I wish I had photographed my recent attempt to open a new roll of paper towels, but I was so exhausted by the whole thing that all I could do was sit and shake my fist at the Paper Product Powers-That-Be. If I had managed to capture a photo, it would have shown:
– A mangled roll of Bounty, caked so heavily with glue that I had to shred through half the roll (okay, okay – three or four layers) to get to a glue-free sheet.
– Me, brow damp with sweat, mascara smudged, slumped against the counter, surrounded by shreds of adhesive-caked paper towels.
And then there’s toilet paper. A necessary item, yes?
If you’re a parent, chances are that bathroom breaks at your house are a race against the clock. You have only so long before unattended children cobble together an unstable climbing apparatus so they can reach the fish bowl and fill it with LEGO DUPLO people.
The last thing you need is to discover that of course your husband used the last square, so you now have to spend precious minutes ripping and clawing to start that new roll a-rolling.
Maybe I’m weird (no need to clarify for me, okay?), but time sensitivity aside, I’m just plain opposed to using the gluey pieces. And since the adhesive is apparently applied with a spackling knife, I have to unroll two or three complete layers before I reach usable TP. Wasteful, I tell you.
I assume the glue is used primarily to keep the rolls together in the packaging process. So is this much glue necessary? Wouldn’t a small dab serve the same purpose?
Stay tuned for future editions of Household Products Gone Wrong, when I discuss all the dried bits of milk that flake off the gallon jug every time it’s opened.*
I wonder…
:: Are there any household items that make you crazy?
:: Do you start to panic when you realize that the children have not followed you into the bathroom? In my house that means someone is up to no good.
*I’m not really making this a regular feature or anything. I can’t promise that I won’t write a post about dried milk bits, though.
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Remember this post? Two of you fabulous, commenting people have won coupons for Purex Complete CrystalsTM Softener!
I know there is such a thing as a random number generator to help pick winners, but we did this the old fashioned way at my house. My handsome assistant, H, drew two winners out of a hat. A fireman’s hat, specifically. I did document the process, so here, without further ado, are the winners:
The Shuffle.
And the first winner is... Commenter #1, Gigi from KludgyMom!
And the second winner is... Commenter #8, Maggie!
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
A little dab will do ya!
That’s what we teach the kids with glue. Paper product manufacturers just need a kindergarten refresher course.
Too funny…but frustratingly true!! You can’t properly finish the job with a hand-full of wripped, shredded, and torn pieces of toilet paper! Drives me nuts to perch my delicates on my throne only to realize there is NO toilet paper…and struggle to get a new roll rolling! I think that is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Okay, so first off? I’m laughing because I totally relate to this. I can’t stand the flaky bits on the milk jug, either. Grosses me out. Also? I am a green girl and I wish cereal didn’t have to come in plastic bags inside of plastic boxes. Lately I’ve just been buying bags of cereal when possible b/c it seems so wasteful to have the cardboard box, too.
Rant over.
as to your comment on my blog—yes, there is a reason we are writers rather than actresses! I think about that all the time, but I guess it never clicked until just now. we have writer-y personalities, which means we’re better at the writing stuff. It’s an A-HA! moment for me, apparently. lol.
can’t wait to meet you!
I’m thinking you should let Laska the love kitty help you – he loves what he calls “Th big toilet paypur”.
And the milk – I have to blow off the flakes every time – so true!
We may have to boycott cows.
God Bless and Keep you and all of yours
The thing that drives me more crazy than the start of the rolls, is the end of paper towel rolls. that last sheet is folded in half and then glued, rendering it completely useless.
I agree with Liz– the end of the rolls drives me bonkers… especially when I’m stuck after a pee and that’s all that’s left.
I facken hate milk dry bits…especially when they end up flaking off into my cereal. Fack that is disgusting.
This post cracked me up.
yeah and glue on my toilet paper is just kind of unsettling. I don’t want any glue getting stuck somewhere it shouldn’t. I don’t think my hubs does either. TMI?
This isn’t a household appliance, but I hate the freaking packages the Barbies come in. It’s ridiculous! There’s layers of plastic and cardboard and then Barbie’s strapped down with the same material they make those plastic handcuffs out of. A long time ago, I learned to take wire cutters to Barbie. Saves a lot of cuss words and broken nails.
And for the record, there will come a day that no one follows you into the bathroom. Except then I got three dogs and yes, they all have to come into the bathroom with me. It gets very crowded.
There is no way I’d use that gluey piece of toilet paper! And to be honest, when I replace the roll (since I seem to be the only one who does this in our house) I un-glue that first square and chuck it. Throw it away.
Oh, the trees I’m killing with that one move.
Just this morning I was annoyed by glue. Not on the TP roll, but the adhesive that holds labels on cans. I wouldn’t normally try to unstick it, but we’re collecting the blasted box tops for education. I get the feeling they don’t want me to redeem those things and so I’m doubly determined to pull those puppies off!
You know what pisses me off? Plastic covers on hummus/yogurt/whatever with a pull tab that do not come off.
Or they come off in 27 strips of filmy hummus-y plastic.
(I feel better already, thanks)
As I sit here, I’m doing the tinkle dance because I need to go but I also need to read and comment.
And because, I guarantee when I head for the 1/2 bath, there will be *no* TP in the bathroom.
So the household thing that annoys me the most? The children who live here with opposable thumbs who seem to be unable to replace anything. Ever.
Yep. I hear ya, sister. You’re down to half a roll of TP when the shredding is done. It’s all part of the big money making scheme to get you to go through them faster and buy more.
And the milk flakes – disgusting.
But can we discuss the impossibility of opening the couscous spice pack without scissors? Kills me every time.
I have started a new deal at my house. When I open a new pack of toilet paper I start EVERY roll before pulling it on the shelf. Now I have half a roll’s worth on the floor by the time I am done but now I have a dozen roll (minus 1/2 on the floor) ready to go.