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Hooo-boy. I am beat. This week I stayed up late, watching athletes wrangle mushy, Russian snow. My days were jam-packed with pre-eating the Valentine’s Day candy. I even eked out a few hours to look at Not Another Snow Day! pictures and posts.

Though it’s 70 degrees and sunny here today, I get what my snowed upon friends are going through. Hey, stop throwing rotten tomatoes at your screen! I’m not in charge of the weather, and remember my frostbitten friends, in August the thermometers will be on the other foot.

The weather is lovely now, but we’ve had days – more than six! – of freezing weather in Austin. And on each of those days the schools were delayed or closed. When the elementary school delays, the preschool closes. My four-year-old attended four hours of school last week. FOUR HOURS. Yes, I’m aware this is a blip compared to the bombogenesis’d among you. All I’m saying is I feel you, sister. I honestly do not know how you haven’t run, screaming, down the street. I guess the piles of snow help keep you in the house?

The point is, I’m so very busy and you’re so very chilly, that we’re having a hard time keeping up online. Miss some blog posts and social media updates this week? I got you covered. Also, in case the hearts and flowers and candy filling your Facebook feed did not tip you off, it’s Valentine’s Day. Because I love you all so much, this summary is my gift to you. It’s more than I got my husband.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a list of everything that happened on the internet this week, last week, and since 2009:

• We’re all bad moms with a messy houses that ironically make us the most wonderful moms ever because we’re not wasting time on trivialities like cleaning.
• Bucket Lists!
• We’re all on Pinterest doing the organizing and crafting and cooking and pretending to be Martha 2.0s (minus the jail time) and that is so awesome except what are you doing on Pinterest instead of bonding with your family?
• We’re all conflicted because we work full time or part time or in an office or at home or on a spaceship, or we don’t work at all and we feel empty or full or nothing and we were perfectly happy with things before the internet, except some people were so unhappy until they found the other people inside the computer.
• We’re all here for our friends even though we’re busy but will totally be there any time we need each other as long as it’s not over the phone, because we all hate the phone.
• Selfies!
• We all suffer from something and there are other people online suffering from the same stuff and that is so comforting except when people are mean and then we feel angry and depressed in the one place we felt comforted just five minutes ago.
• Marriage is hard and beautiful and it takes so much work and talking and more work and more talking and sex, it takes that, too, and ohmygosh people online love to talk about sex, and we’re so glad because it makes us feel normal and not, all at the same time.
• Social media is cool and amazing and time sucking and it hurts our real life relationships, but also makes them better, and the friendships on social media are real, but don’t spend too much time on that computer, because you have to look up and out at the world around you.
• Reverse Bucket Lists!
• We are all outraged – outraged, I tell you and tell you and tell you – by [insert outrageous, completely wrong-thinking sign, show, politician, advertisement, product, song, parenting style, fashion item here]!
• Babies are miracles, boobs are miracles, and we all have many thoughts on miracles.
• Women can do anything and everything and motherhood doesn’t equal weakness, and ohmygoodness you’re so condescending for saying women can do anything. Yep, we’re outraged by your condescension!
• Squee! Totes! OMG! Adorbs! Luv! I die! Right?!
• There are a lot of ways to raise children, and probably you are doing it all wrong according to much of the internet, and according to the rest of the internet you are a genius parent with the best ideas ever and why oh why didn’t we all think of that?
• 200 Resources to Make You A Better [Insert Topic Here, examples include, but are not limited to: Blog Designer, Home Designer, Writer, Photographer, Mother, Wife, Friend, Closet Organizer, Sunscreen Buyer, Daily Dinner Cooker, Lunch Maker, Makeup Put-Er-On-Er, Pet Parent, Movie Goer]
• 200 Things to Never, Ever Do If You Are A [See topics above! Add your own!]
• Feminist Selfies!

There you have it. Did I miss anything? Add it below, but please, don’t write me an open letter.

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