I love Wednesdays, and I hope you do, too. Why? Because it’s guest blogger day! Today’s guest is Kimberly, from All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something. You’re guaranteed to feel something when you read Kimberly’s writing: she’ll leave you in stitches, tears, awe, and often all of the above. She’s also a kind & generous blog friend. I’m so happy to host Kimberly today, so let’s get to it!
***
I was elbow deep in the sink washing dishes when he blasted through the door.
“Today is the best day of my life!”
I snapped my head towards his direction.
He’s never this happy when he comes home.
Seriously.
And I may or may not have a slight complex because of that.
“Did we win the lottery?”
“Oh. My. God. Babe, this is so awesome. I have to call Ken.”
Ken, my husband’s BFF.
If Ken had a vagina, my husband would be all up on that.
That man crush runs deeper than their thick chest hair.
I watched as his hands excitedly punched in Ken’s digits.
“Wait. Whoa. What is going on?”
“This is epic. The Ti….Ken! Did you hear? Is this not the best day ever?”
“Babe, what is going on?” I asked…
Okay, it was more like, “What the f*ck is going on?”
But since this is not my blog, I will keep this story as clean as possible.
Because I’m a f*cking respectable person like that.
“Shhhhhhh…Babe. Seriously! You are ruining my moment!” he whined.
My eyes zoned ferociously into his soul as I clenched my jaws and burst into
flames.
“Gah…ok…fine. The Detroit Tigers signed Prince Fielder.”
:::Blank stare:::
“Babe, he is a baseball God. This, this is just the best day of my life.”
:::Record Scratch:::
I’ve had a lot of days in my life that I would consider to be the best.
Like when I found a really good hairdresser.
When my boobs grew big enough to fit in a real bra.
When I got my driver’s license.
When I graduated from Nursing School.
When I lost my virginity and thankfully had my period the next week.
That one night in Niagra Falls.
When I met my husband.
And the day our son was born.
Those are “best” days.
The Detroit Tigers? Prince? What?
I will never understand my husband’s undying love for his favourite sports teams.
Never.
I could never get him to look at me the way he looks so lovingly at balls.
Baseballs, footballs, basketballs, and I’ll throw in a puck.
Get your mind out of the gutter people.
I will also never understand how a team could hire a dude for $214 million to play baseball for nine years.
And how this man, Prince Fielder, this “epic” moment counts as one of my husband’s best day of his life?
My husband doesn’t even own the team.
He’s a fan.
A fan.
As my stomach turned while watching him squeal in delight with his beastly bromance, I decided to not deflate his testicles that had puffed up with Tiger pride.
Instead, I slipped him our MasterCard bill and gave him a peck on his cheek.
Because I’m a good wife like that.
His eyes widened and his knuckles turned white as he grasped the phone.
He reached for a pen.
And wrote this down:
“Pft. It’s going to be bigger when I buy season tickets this year.”
Touché Shawn.
Touché.
I wonder…
Bromance.
About the Writer
Kimberly is a mom, wife, nurse, postpartum depression and bipolar 2 disorder ass kicker. She longs to run her fingers through Chuck Norris’s beard hair. When she’s not busy baking the best facking cookies ever and earning frequent flier miles at her psychiatrist’s office, she blogs about the chaos she calls “Her Life.” You can follow along on the blog, Twitter, Facebook or StumbleUpon.
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
Thank you so much for having me over here today Missy. I am so honoured that you’d let me write about the ridiculousness that is my husband’s love of sports 😉
It’s my honor! I’m sad about your MasterCard bills during baseball season, but so glad you are visiting Wonder, Friend today. 🙂
bwaahaaaaa! I didn’t realize you guys were in Michigan – I grew up there, going to the old Tiger Stadium. I even went to spring training one year, back when Tom Selleck ‘trained’ with them. My dad umpired for some of the players from back in the day when they were in little league. This cracks me up – plus his reaction to the bill? Priceless.
Actually, we live in Canada 😉
But we are fairly close to Michigan.
Oh Kim, you always always make me laugh…to a point where I’m about to pee my pants…Men are just so different from us. My husband is a tennis fan, a fan…So thats the time when I keep myself busy or else I feel so jealous, so left out. I’ve come to terms with it and choose to visit friend, or even just window shopping at the mall.
Tennis?
That is a whole other ball game right there. So is golf.
I usually blog…ok I probably watch reality shows…which is probably worse than sports.
Omg. We had the SAME conversation! I acted all cool like I knew who he was and then googled him later! Go Tigers!
HAHAH.
Shawn had to explain to me who he was but I still had to google him for the sake of the post 😉
Men and their teams. Sigh. Of course, Kimberly’s view of it actually makes it funny 🙂
Thanks Ally.
It’s so easy to make fun of Shawn.
Especially when I know that he doesn’t read my blog…even though he says he does.
Sweetheart, that’s nothin’. You should see Husband call up his BFF/man-crush to gush about his latest kill on his COMPUTER GAME. Yeah. Buying Star Wars: The Old Republic was “the best decision he’s ever made”. I feel your pain.
HAHAHA!!! My girlfriend’s husband is really into computer games. He actually bought my husband a headset so that they can talk to each other while playing.
Yea, I’m screwed all around 😉
Have to say – Hubby was pretty darn excited about that too – mostly because it meant that MY team (the Yankees) didn’t get him 🙂
Not that we need him.
We’re already awesome enough.
You still love me even if I’m a sports fan right?
I still love you 😉
I actually don’t mind watching baseball and hockey but not every single day.
And a Yankee fan eh?
::shakes head::
Kimberly – Missy is right about the “stitches, tears, awe” – you’re all that and much more. My husband, Sury is totally into cricket and football and his pacing the floor during matches (or even reruns of great matches) has worn our floor down a couple of inches am sure. He reels off statistics and strategies about the game and just assumes I am as crazy as him. 😀
Love yas! Hugs!
You are too sweet Vidya.
We never really understood cricket until our neighbors moved in. They’re Austrailian. They invited us over one evening to watch a match…half a match…because they told us that “matches” last days…and they even have tea breaks…WHAT?
So i don’t know how you handle that!!!
xoxo
She is the best!I love every single thing she writes, and this is no exception. Men and their love of sports is insane! But if his tickets cost more than you’ve spent so far, I think it only fair that you even the score, level the playing field, and shop with some sportsmanship. 🙂
Shop with sportsmanship?
Gah I love you and your thinking!!
Do you think that I’ll require a helmet for that?
Oh…I’ll need a jersey with Team Kim on the front!
Missy – AWESOME guest post here.
Kim is hilarious (and f*$cking thoughtful, too!)
You are, Kim. And you leave the funniest comments all around the internet. I read them and think, “SHE would be a kick-ass best friend.”
No offense to Ken, of course. I mean, he’s got you on the chest hair.
Anyway, I’ve always thought my best day was my wedding. Not the days the kids were born because those were too scary and painful and ohmygod. Those were my most life-changing days.
But as far as unmitigated best? Yeah. The marriage.
Everyone I loved together at the same time.
Food, champagne, promises of forever.
That was good stuff.
Almost as great as getting boobs.
You are so sweet!
Yes, I would have to say that getting married was pretty amazing. I just didn’t read the fine print that along with getting married I would also have to adopt a hairy man named Ken and that I would have to witness such bromantic encounters while watching sports.
::shudder::
I’m so giggling about the boobs.
I need some badly.
Oh Kimberly, I do love you.
My best day ever? The day AFTER my son was born. I was not in as much pain, in a better frame of mind and could finally enjoy time with him alone.
My husband is into off road motorcycling. He talks about bikes, riding and riders like I’m interested.
Somehow, he’s dragged me into watching off road motorcycling documentaries and races with him (is this true love?). Sigh.
I want my sons to be athletes. They could be paid in billions by then!!
I love you too sweets.
You win at being a wife because there is no way I’d sit and watch a documentary about any athlete. Nope. No way.
I live in Michigan and have no freakin’ clue who the Tigers have playing for them….. ever. Oh, and hell yes sports players are overpaid! Geesh….
I always get angry when I hear about how much athletes get paid. Like hello, I’m a nurse and saving lives and what I make in a year they probably make in one hour standing on secong base…jeesh!!
My husband is the same way. He has a huge man-crush on Tom Brady. It makes me sick sometimes. And athletes? Totally overpaid!
Tom Brady is an exception to the rule. I mean…he is some fine man meat.
You are a good woman. Since we have no decent sports teams within a 300 mile radius there really aren’t any balls for either of us to get excited about. You , my dear are a very good sport.
Oh poor Craig…what about his…ummm…balls.
Oh, those men, aren’t they all the same? Mine is completely lost, when he sees a ball, a soccer ball that is. He used to play himself until he realized (finally) that ‘curing’ an injured knee all the time is no fun. And now he’s cheering for a team in the UK. I’m just leaving the room and hand over the remote control when they play. Wireless earphones (for him, LOL) help a lot too. 😉
Hilarious! Not only was this brilliantly written, but you made me laugh out loud. Laugh out loud. And my girls (both girls) are napping. My husband loves soccer like another woman and it’s annoying. But I get it. Mostly.
Ack that would drive me nuts! I’m kinda glad that my hubby isn’t a sports guy, but he makes up for it in computer nerdiness and trying to talk to me about military history. Which makes him sound way geekier than he is. I don’t get how they get so into the sports?
Hee! Love this, ladies and oh my – that photo is perfect!
Hi Kimberly. You know I love you, right? That being said…I’m with hubs on this one. NOT baseball, though. The whole “being a Fan” business. I get it. I’ve been an avid…..not, a FANATIC of the Denver Broncos since the cavemen discovered the wheel (or whoever discovered the wheel). The day John Elway lead the Broncos to their Superbowl win over the Packers WAS one of the best days of my life. Phenomenal. I’ll never forget it.
I’m a horrible Mom for not mentioning the birth of my kids, right. So yea, those two days were awesome, too. What I remember of them, as I was doped up.
Hugs…..
T
HA! Well maybe it’d be like Chuck Norris coming back to TV? Would that help you relate? I might understand, because I *might* have a photoshopped picture my cousin made of me and John Mayer. Not that I told him to do it…not that I deleted it…
Kim, you crack me up. I just love the way you write!! My husband feels the same way about soccer as Shawn does about baseball.
I remember once when the kiddos were all little (you know, in diapers and too young to fend for themselves), I left him alone with them for an hour to get some groceries. An hour!! That’s it. I came home and all the kids smelled like crap and they were all screaming, bright red in the faces.
Turns out he was too busy watching his team favorite team playing soccer on tv and “forgot” about the kids. Even though they were screaming and the house smelled like poop.
Good to see you here! I think athletes are paid WAY too much. My husband loves UFC almost as much as he loves me. And interestingly enough, I just wrote about my best day last month and it had to do with sports – which is shocking if you knew how much I hate sports!
HILARIOUS!