P: We wuv wemontimes! Mmmm-mmm. Come wook, dey are in da bowl, and I happy!
Translation: We love clementines. There’s an entire bowl full of them, and that makes me happy!
Wemontimes.
Happiness. It comes so naturally to children, and I think growing up makes us get all wonky on the topic.
I want to do something different today, and just ask you some I wonder… questions without providing commentary first (anyone who knows me knows that this is a challenge akin to, say, becoming an astronaut). Your answers could be featured in an upcoming post that I’m working on about happiness. I have some opinions on the matter (shocker), but I’m curious to see where other people fall.
Thanks for helping me out. I intended to make sure the questions weren’t leading in any way, but may have failed. This is just one of the many reasons my news-ed journalism minor never got much use… objectivity is hard. *You should have read those last few words in a sarcastic, nasal whine, just FYI.*
Anyway.
I wonder…
:: Are you as happy as you thought you’d be when you imagined life as an adult? More? Less? Different?
:: Are happiness and joy the same thing? Discuss…
:: Can failure and/or pain ever lead to happiness?
:: Does success equal happiness?
:: Are some people simply wired for happiness and other people wired for a life of Debbie Downer-ism?
:: What does true happiness look like to you? When and how often do you experience that?
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
I am SO a glass half full kind of person. I pretty much keep it to myself, but inside I’m pretty pessimistic. My joy comes from being a parent. When I think about that, my heart is instantly full and my eyes tear up. Everything else in my life pales in comparison.
Everything else does pale, doesn’t it? It’s such a blessing to be a parent, and even more so to recognize the joy in it. I think it’s easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day, but focusing on the joy makes it all worth it.
Boy, these are brain teasers Missy! Such great thought provoking questions. I will say YES that pain/failure can totally lead to happiness. I always say that if my Dad had not died when I was 16 years old I would NOT be living the life I am now. Gods hand in it all!
Oh, Christina, isn’t that so true? It’s often impossible to see at the time, but what a gift that you have that perspective now!
I love how kids find happiness in the small things.
I’m happy where I am right now, but not all the time. I’m happy to be married and have two healthy children, but some times life is tough. Esp. when I’m tired, sick, or feel like I haven’t had some time for me.
I think joy is moments and happiness is a period of time (make sense?)
I like that you say you’re happy, but not all the time. I relate to that a lot… Not every moment is filled with rainbows, and I think that’s absolutely okay.
:: Are you as happy as you thought you’d be when you imagined life as an adult? More? Less? Different? A: Depends when you ask me. Today – yes. A year ago – no.
:: Are happiness and joy the same thing? Discuss…
A: ? How the heck did you think of this question? 🙂 I have never wondered about that? But I am sure curious to hear what others have to say?
:: Can failure and/or pain ever lead to happiness? A: By ALL means YES! I think sometime the worst failures lead can to the most amazing happiness.
:: Does success equal happiness? Um… I guess it depends on how you define success?
:: Are some people simply wired for happiness and other people wired for a life of Debbie Downer-ism? A: Maybe… but I believe for a lot of people this is not a “hard wire” but something that can be changed based on circumstance… (that is the optimist thinking in me!)
:: What does true happiness look like to you? When and how often do you experience that? A: Read my post today ;)… but it can be rare…
I think the optimist in you is a good thing – without optimism, I don’t think there would be much happiness at all. And I do think our circumstance – as well as how we choose to handle that circumstance – can change, often. Makes for an interesting ride, of course, and your answers make me wonder if the entire key to happiness is simply learning to manage our reactions to our circumstances…
I could write for hours on each of those. Truly. But I don’t have hours, so this is what you get:
:: No, I am not as happy as I thought I would be in life. I truly believe telling our children they can have it all and do anything is setting them up for just this type of disappointment. I am allegedly living the dream, but even the dream is hard. Thank goodness I stumbled into the dream. Imagine what sort of mess I’d be if I had a “hard” life.
:: Happiness and joy are not the same thing. I feel joy every day. Thankfully. Happiness is more a state of being, whereas joy is felt in a moment.
:: Yes, failure and pain can lead to happiness, though it’s hell getting there.
:: Success is fleeting. As soon as you’ve attained it the bar moves and you instantly need more. Or is that just me? I suppose I cannot fully answer this yet as I’m unable to ever feel successful.
:: I do believe people are wired differently. My children for instance were born with different views of the world. One is way more sensitive to the plight of others (even stray animals) and it gets her down. My son, however, experiences constant euphoria it seems. As an adult, I will admit I’ve equated my constantly “happy” friends as less intellectual {yes, I just admitted that}. They seem to only see rainbows and butterflies. For some reason I associated those that view the world through that rose colored lens as less intelligent. I realize now that is not the case. Just one more thing I’ve learned about the world from my children.
:: It happens when I focus on it, just like everything else. I will get in a funk and then make a concerted effort to “be happy”. It works. Truly, I just need practice so I can do it every day.
xoxoxo
Your answer to the first question is exactly the line of thinking that spurred this post & I can’t wait to explore it more in the follow-up post. I agree with you about not setting up our kids for a life of disappointment.
Thanks for you answers – so thoughtful. You should go ahead and write for hours, then blog your answers!
Wow….. those are some deep questions!
I don’t think that as kids/teens we fully understand what it means to be an adult so the happiness that we think we will have when we grow up is far different from how we feel now as adults.
I’m happy with where I’m at in life… could life be better? Of course, but then again it could always be worse.
I completely agree that we have NO idea what we’re getting into when we embark upon adulthood. I had a feeling it was going to be different – and probably harder – than I imagined, but there’s simply no way to grasp it without living it!
I agree that I could write for hours on each of those. But I’ll answer the easiest one to answer in a blog comment (for me) – YES, out of pain and failure can come happiness.
Good questions, Missy!
Come on, write for hours and send me your answers (or blog them). 🙂
I do think some people are really born with a more “happy” temperament, but I also believe that happiness can be cultivated. There’s a great book about the subject by Dr. Selig (I think) Pursuit of Happiness.
I need to read that book. And I agree, happiness can be cultivated. It takes a lot of conscious effort, to be sure, but I think it can be done.
:: Are you as happy as you thought you’d be when you imagined life as an adult? More? Less? Different?
Things, now, are incredibly different than I imagined them as a child, but I’m pretty sure I’m happier now than I thought I’d be.
:: Are happiness and joy the same thing? Discuss…
No, they are not — happiness is an emotional place, where joy is a momentary thing. Joy might lead to happiness, and happiness can certainly lead to excessive bouts of joy, but they’re two different things.
:: Can failure and/or pain ever lead to happiness?
Yes – overcoming failure, and the removal of pain, can easily lead to happiness.
:: Does success equal happiness?
No, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.
:: Are some people simply wired for happiness and other people wired for a life of Debbie Downer-ism?
That’s a question better left for people far smarter than me. We know that depression is a biological thing – but, I don’t think you’re talking about depression. You’re talking about the people who only appear happy when they’re miserable . . . and, yes, I think there are some who are “wired” that way (but I don’t know if that wiring came from nature or from nurture)
:: What does true happiness look like to you? When and how often do you experience that?
That moment when time stands still and you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’d hold onto this moment forever if you could. When you’re there, you’re happy . . . and sometimes, that “moment” lasts for days on end.
Such great answers – thank you. I love what you say about success. I feel the same way about money – I’d sure love to find out if money buys happiness. 😉
I just stumbled upon your blog from the Literal Mom. Love the thought provoking posts. I for one am decidedly happier as an adult. I spent too much of my childhood being shy and self conscious. Since moving into adulthood and getting a career, marriage and becoming a parent I have become the person I always hoped. To me it’s about being mindful, centered and not taking things too seriously.
So glad you stumbled over here!
I was a very shy and self-conscious kid, too – it’s a hard way to live, isn’t it? Glad to hear you have achieved a happy adulthood. 🙂
I bought the whole white picket fence, happy marriage, adorable kids, everyone gets a puppy story, so no, my life is not even close to what I thought it would be. it’s so much harder, but it’s taught me that happiness doesn’t just happen. You have to activly seek it.
That concept – that things don’t always turn out as planned – is part of what spurred these questions and this post. I love your answer, and the idea that things aren’t necessarily going to simply happen, ta-da!, for all of us. Occasionally, maybe it is that way. But mostly? We have to be active participants in our lives.
Great questions. I feel like I could write an entire post answering each of them (hmm…maybe I should)! I definitely think that some people have an easier time finding happiness and believing themselves to be happy, but I also think that there are skills that anyone could learn. It’s like anything else – math or writing come easier to some than others, but anyone can learn a bunch of the fundamentals. I hate when people say that “happiness is a choice” as though people with depression can choose their way out of it, but for people who don’t suffer from that, we do have a lot of choices that can result in far more happiness.
Ok, I’ll try not to put a whole post here in your comment section!
You can write a post in the comments any time! (Or answer the questions on your blog!)
I agree that we can work at it and find tools. Happiness, for a lot of us, is a conscious decision. I also agree that it’s crazy talk to look at a depressed person and tell them to just ‘get happy.’ It’s not that simple & I think that attitude belittles a very real struggle.