Don’t you just love doing The New York Times crossword puzzle? In ink?

Me, either. Pencil required, friends. And it doesn’t hurt to have a few smart friends to go with that pencil. Or, better, the Crossword Puzzle Dictionary that belonged to my husband’s grandparents.

Confession: I don’t understand how to use a crossword puzzle dictionary. I get it, but I don’t get it. With me? My grandparents-in-law got it, got it. Take a look at this baby.

Inscription is dated Christmas, 1973.

Mary gave them the book in 1973 and they used the tar out of it. The last page of z’s is in particularly bad shape. By the way, a six-letter word for zymogen activating substance? Kinase. You’ll thank me the next time that clue appears on your People crossword. Like that’s ever going to happen.

That’s right. I called you out for doing the People crossword in lieu of the Times puzzle. But I can do you one better than People (Who came up with that ridiculous phrase, “do you one better,” anyway? What a stupid thing to say.). I, my friends, love the USA Today crosswords. I hoard them, and any time I’m feeling stuck when writing, I bust out a puzzle.

These USA Today puzzles? They make feel real smart, like. I do them on my iPad app, but if I were working one on paper I’m pretty sure I would only have to use my eraser three, maybe four, times. Probably.

Every once in a while, though, a clue will throw me. I sit there, the rage brewing, angry at the puzzle for mocking me. Ninety-five percent of the time, it turns out that I misread the clue. So for you today, I give you some of my favorite crossword puzzle misunderstandings.

Clue: Boots from power, 5 letters.
What I’m thinking: Like boots that come from a place of power? Zappos, for example, since they surely hold a huge percentage of the online shoe market, making them very powerful? Zappos is 6 letters, though, and also not a synonym for boots… I am stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck.
Actual answer: Ousts.

Clue: Haw partner, 3 letters.
What I’m thinking: Hee, of course. Classic television, right there. Minnie Pearl with those price tags on her hats!
Actual Answer: Hem.

Clue: Unstable star, 4 letters.
What I’m thinking: Diva. Nobody likes working with a diva, and everybody knows they’re unstable.
Actual answer: Nova.

I could go on, but I’m finished embarrassing myself for today. Or at least for the next few minutes.

***

While I have you here, though (I do still have you here, right?)…

Remember when I asked you to run away with me? Well now, ladies and gentlemen, we can run away at a discount. Once again, I’m doing you one better.

If you’re thinking about doing the ZOOMARun Texas in March – and let’s face it, you know you’re thinking about – you can use this handy, dandy discount code to get 10% off of your race registration fee for either the 5K or the half marathon. You can’t do them both, I’m sorry. You must pick one, you overachievers.

So here it is, the magic code:

TXAMB6

Type (or copy/paste if you’re fancy) that code into your registration form – don’t worry, you’ll know where to put the code, it’s not tricky – and you’ll save 10%.

And one last thing, while we’re talking ZOOMA. If you’re in or near Austin and want to kick off your training with me and the rest of the ambassadors, I have more good news for you: You can, you can! We’ll be kicking off our training season on Saturday, January 5 at 8 a.m. at Luke’s Locker in beautiful downtown Austin. More details coming in early December, but go ahead and pencil in – no, write it in pen – the date now.

That is all for now. Except for this:

I wonder…

:: This one’s a bit random, but I love (loooove) the smell of books. I keep a lot of books we inherited from our families in my dining room, in glass-paned cabinets. Every so often, I open one of the cabinets just to breathe in the book goodness. What’s a smell that warms your heart?

:: Back to crosswords. If you’re a puzzler, why? Does it relax you? Make you feel smart?

Cabinet of good smells. And almost-never-used china. I left the doors open so you could smell the goodness, too.