I once dreamed that I wrote an anonymous sex column and was being forced to reveal my identity for legal reasons. This was no clean, upstanding, useful information column. It was smut. Tawdry. I woke up in a panic, wondering how I would explain this line of work to my mother.

That’s pretty much the last mention of sex you’ll see in this discussion of lust. You may be disappointed to hear that, but I can guarantee my mother is relieved.

I’ve started what feels like hundreds of posts over the last couple days and keep hitting delete, delete, delete. I have plenty to say about lust. Plenty. And that’s the problem. I think, in fact, that although lust is technically only one of the Seven Deadly Sins, it’s actually the root of the other six. Let’s discuss…

Gluttony
Yes, I occasionally (daily?) eat too much of something I should not eat. I know better and I don’t want to eat it. The problem? I lust after that cake. All that cakey-cakiness. I cannot resist it. The smell – vanilla, sugar – the scent of lust. Getting too hungry… let’s move on.

Greed
Frankly, I lust after the trappings of wealth. A fabulous wardrobe. Places to wear that wardrobe. Vacations. A nanny to go on vacation with us. A new car. Have I mentioned that I drive a seven-year-old car with such bad road noise that sometimes I can’t hear the kids in the back seat? Oh wait. Never mind. Put like that, the road noise is suddenly not annoying at all.

So, greed. Of course I lust after stuff. Thankfully, I know it’s only stuff. I’ve had the nice job with a salary that was ridiculous for someone my age (and really, of my experience level), and now I am a stay-at-home mom with, what I am told, is a competitive salary for the position. I had more stuff and more disposable income before. If asked to rate my happiness then and now, well, there’s no contest. Now. I am so much happier now. But lust still rears its ugly head now and then.

Laziness, or Sloth
Oh my gosh, how I lust after sleep. I want it bad, baby. I fantasize about eight – no, ten – uninterrupted hours. I know it sounds crazy, but I love post-baby sleep. Even though I only get two-three hours at a time, each little nap is the sleep of the dead. I can fall asleep anywhere. I close my eyes and, bam, I’m asleep. In my normal, non-post-baby life, I’m a terrible sleeper. It takes me a long time to shut off my mind and fall asleep. I’m not up thinking about anything deep or solving world issues. I’m just awake, running through lists, replaying the day, wondering why I said that thing I should not have said and didn’t say that thing I should have said. Once I fall asleep, I sleep lightly, listening for children. So, yeah, I lust for dead-to-the-world, drooling on the pillow sleep.

Wrath
I do have a small anger issue. I’m quick to anger, leaping to wrath at the littlest provocation. My kids know how to push every button in just the right sequence, and suddenly I am capital M mad. Not long ago, I realized that I get the most angry when I’m wishing for things to be different. When I’m lusting after a quiet house or time to write or a Hallmark moment with the kids, and instead I’m met with noisy, busy, misbehavior, I lose it.

I’m working on letting go of the lust. No more wishing things were different than they are. I’m focusing on what we have going on right now. We’re working with what we have (and let’s be honest, what I have to work with is damn good stuff – I shouldn’t be lusting after another life anyway).

Envy
I know they’re not the same thing, but envy and greed often go hand-in-hand for me. I may have mentioned my old, rattle trap car. That car with the dealer tags and new car smell? Oh, I lust after it. If you have that car, I envy you, even though I know it’s wrong to do so. If you never lust after things you do not – or cannot – have, I want to meet you and shake your hand. Or maybe just shake you and ask, how? How do you not want that? I believe that it’s only stuff and I know that stuff is not important. But lust is a pushy you-know-what and no matter what I do, there she is.

Pride
This one’s tricky, but I think it all boils down to lust, too. The desire to keep up appearances is fueled by a lust for perfection, the desire to have it all together and make sure it stays together. We all know that pride goeth before the fall, but did you know that lust goeth before pride? If we (I) didn’t want it so badly – lust after it – in the first place, we (I) wouldn’t have to swallow our (my) pride when it all falls apart.

Well I just reread this post and almost hit delete, because boy do I sound ugly. U-G-L-Y. But it’s late and day two of lust is almost over, so here goes. I learned a little something about myself here, and it’s that I’m aware of my lustful shortcomings, but I still have miles to go before I overcome them.

My questions – my wonderings – for today are simple – What do you think about lust? Is it necessarily a sin? Is a little lust okay? Where’s the line?