I didn’t hate it. But I definitely didn’t love it. I got along fine, had friends, was involved in activities. Even so, junior high is an irrational, hormone-laced bomb. With a hair trigger.
Just when things are going along okay, you get shoved in a locker and called a name in Spanish that you just know, even without understanding the exact definition, is not a compliment. Just when you’ve inscribed BFF on a sheet of college-ruled paper folded into an envelope/note/all-in-one, that same BFF refuses to sit with you on the bus.
But here’s the thing.
The fighting and crying and heartbreak and d-r-a-m-a was right at the top. On the surface. Unashamed. And though nearly always misguided, it came from an honest place of hurt. There was no hiding our feelings, because that takes more finesse than the average 13 year old possesses.
We weren’t old enough or mature enough to know what really mattered, so the issues were typically ridiculous. Our mothers probably spent equal time aching for us and laughing at us, knowing the boy or the shirt or the slumber party would be forgotten soon enough.
And they were right. Soon enough friendship bracelets were flying back and forth. The telephone wires were burning, right up until bedtime, with giggles and secrets. We made up, we moved on, we said, “I can’t believe we ever liked John anyway, because he’s such a dork!”
I miss this. The raw, up-front-ness of it all.
Because somewhere between the bus stop and mortgage payment, we learn shame and deceit. We learn social norms and etiquette. We learn to keep it to ourselves. Nobody wants your drama.
Maybe we think we’re doing each other favors. Why stir up trouble when it will probably all blow over anyway?
Sometimes it does. Sometimes whatever it is, it’s not a big deal. We get our panties in a wad over perceived issues, and after a good night’s sleep the issue is gone. So yes, at times, there’s something to be said for social norms and etiquette. It can be best not to say anything at all.
But what about when you’re truly aching over something? What about when you feel the wall go up between you and someone you love? What about when you have no idea why the wall is there?
Who commissioned it? Who built it? Who is paying for the cost of upkeep?
This is where I am right now. Some people I love have built a wall. I hear it in their voices, I see it in their eyes. I sit in the same room and can tell they do not want to be there. With me. With mine. They would rather be anywhere else.
And I don’t know what I said or did to instigate the building of this wall. If I knew, I’d offer my apologies. They would be sincere; they would come from deep inside where the most important words are born. Because we are not friends, these wall-builders and I. We are so much more than that, and I wanted to share a lifetime with them, not a wall.
But dammit all, this is not junior high. And nobody will sneak into the bathroom with me and share, in a stage whisper, why this one is mad at that one.
So for now, the wall stays strong and solid, waiting for me to figure out how to pull down the first brick.
If you know, do me a favor and tell Susie so she’ll tell Jenny so she’ll tell Heather who will tell her mother, who tells everything she knows, so it will get back to my mother who will finally come sit on the foot of my bed and ask me if this thing is why I’ve had a stomachache for a week?
I Wonder…
:: How the hell this happened, to be honest. I try really hard – maybe too hard – to avoid drama. I hate it. Hate. And yet, I feel it brewing right now. Has this ever happened to you?
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
Oh, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s awful when you can cut the tension with a knife and you don’t know how it even got there.
Is it really unforgivable to just come out and ask? That’s what I do.
Then again, I loved junior high. No, really! So much that I even taught there for years.
Missy. My stomach churns reading this because I know it well, and it’s too long to leave in a comment. I’m sorry you’re hurting, and I hope you get some closure soon.
I am so sorry. I know exactly how frustrating that can be. I’ve lost a friend that way — one brick at a time. And it was absolutely heart-wrenching.
And yes, the junior high way of throwing it in your face now seems preferable to the hide-and-seek version we play as adults.
I recently read a devotional about how we are meant to share our problems and our sufferings with others. It is pride that makes us keep them to ourselves. I’ll pray your friend realizes the wall is not helping her, but keeping her from getting help!
So sorry you are dealing with it now. God bless you friend.
xoxoxo
So sorry to hear that, hon. 🙁
yeah, i totally hated Jr. High. and High School, which is the same but with cars. while i do agree that the problems were pretty ridiculous compared to being “all grown up”, the problems i had hurt just as much as the serious ones do nowadays. they may not have been as serious, but because they hurt just as much- i’m good right where i’m at.
that being said, right where i’m at sucks right NOW. it seems there’s drama in the air, because everybody i know is going through a particularly hard time in various areas of their lives. :0/
what you need to do is get on Facebook (Jr. High for Moms) private message somebody (the cyberspace equivalent of whispering in the bathroom) and make some inquiries. at least, that’s what i do!
My friend, I am so sorry. People can really suck, intentional or not. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I’m praying for you Missy!
I’m not one to sit back and wonder. I’ll just flat out ask what’s wrong. Would you be comfortable doing that?
I’m so sorry!
ugh Missy I have been in this situation. The only way out is communication even if you don’t like the answers. It’s the only way to get to the root of the truth.
*HUG* I am so sorry for whatever is going on with your friends. ‘Cause I can only imagine it’s truly making you feel horrible if you’re longing for middle school, no matter the upfrontness of the horror!
First time commenting on your blog, and I just…and I do mean JUST went through this with a friend last month. She was distancing herself for months and then just last mother REEMED me for something I had no control over. I was blindsided by her hurt because she DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING way back when.
We try and teach our children to communicate with us, and with others. Why is it that we don’t follow that rule and keep it all inside?
I hope it gets better for you!
Truly enjoy your blog!
I’m a new follower because of this post!
Oh, friend, what a miserable situation. I wish I had a solution for you, but instead I’ll offer commiseration.
A few years ago, my college roommate and bridesmaid stopped returning my calls and e-mails. I really don’t know why, and it bothers me to this day. I have no idea what I did to upset her (and I’ve really wracked my brain) and it upsets me to have no closure on our relationship. I’ve moved on, but (as you can probably tell), being dumped by her still bothers me.
I hope that your own situation resolves itself for the good. And soon. xo
Channel your inner thirteen-year-old. I’ve had to put my shame away before and just come out with what was going on in my heart and in my mind. Sometimes, it ends up being the best thing even if it feels the most awkward.
I wish you luck with this, Missy.
Blech, I did hate middle school w/ the silly Best Friends necklaces that got returned and re-gifted every other day. Ad sadly, I understand your current pain. Now that I’m a wee bit older *ahem* I find courage to actually talk to the person, but sadly, they still build the walls, pretend nothing is wrong and then carry on w/ their jr. high ways. Hurts my heart too.
When I saw your title, I really hoped this post wasn’t about what I thought – and what it is – about.
Ya know? Sometimes there aren’t answers to be had. Some people have insecurities, jealousy issues and the like, and those qualities don’t surface until you have done something or achieved something that makes them feel threatened.
I hope you feel better soon! Hugs!