The speaker at a Bible study I attended years ago said, “Hormones are no excuse for bad behavior.” And ever since, I’ve felt guilty when I act like a nut or eat a party-sized bag of M&M’s. I think, I’m supposed to be in charge here and I’m (wrongly) using my hormones as an excuse.
Dude, I call bull-honky. Hormones mess with your head. And your stomach. And even your muscles.
I’m too (tired, hungry, cranky – pick any or all) to go in search of scientific proof at this moment – besides, I’m very busy chugging my third cup of coffee and daydreaming about chocolate chip cookies, and I can tell you without needing scientific proof that there is only one time each month that I feel the need for a third cup of coffee – but I’m willing to bet there IS proof floating around out there. Proof that hormones cause major changes, physical and mental. If you’re a doctor or a scientist, feel free to chime in, but only if you’re agreeing with me, because I’ll probably cry today if you disagree with me.
I haven’t kept a notebook or anything, but I’ve started noticing a few patterns. And yes, it’s taken nearly three decades to pick up on these patterns, but nobody ever said I was quick. So. The patterns:
- I have a high point every month, during which I’m nearly super-human. I have a ton of energy, I’m enthusiastic about everything. And I mean everything. The world is a sunshiny, happy place. My workouts are amaze-balls during this time. I swim faster, bike for days, feel really strong, and convince myself that I should enter (and probably win) a race every weekend.
- I have a low point every month, when I’m like the love child of Lewis Black and Eeyore. The world is bleak, I hate my life, I hate people (pretty much all of them), and I’m so very, very tired. Thank goodness this low point only lasts about a day and no more. I might feel a bit cranky or jittery on either side of the low, but in general the hating-of-everything only lasts 24-36 hours. Ish.
- I feel like I am getting a cold. Every month. And here’s the best part of this one – I fall for it every month. For almost 30 years I’ve been fooled by the phantom cold. Which tells me that my brain power hits a low point around this time. About half-way through the day – every single month – I realize, Oooohhh, I don’t really have a cold. I have hormone-induced snot and it will go away by tomorrow. When it will be replaced by cramps.
So I was thinking – and hoping – that I cannot be alone here. Surely someone else has felt the tears well up at HEB because there was no organic, fat-free milk. Surely someone else has gone postal over the sound of her husband chewing. Surely someone else has thought chips, guacamole, and Schweddy Balls ice cream is an acceptable dinner. And yes, I see the connection in those examples: food seems to be a big part of this phenom.
I debated, and wondered if this could be in bad taste, and then I decided that I’m not so worried about that (let the record show that I feel like I have a cold today). I decided it could be fun – and kind of reassuring – to have a place to share your crazies.
Once a month I’m going to put a linky on Wonder, Friend, where we can post our PMS Chronicles. Next month, I’ll have a button for you, but for this month, just feel free to link up a post – new or old – in which you talk about a rash decision you made under hormonal distress, or a rotten day that you know should be chalked up to your Ladies Days (what Mark calls them, thanks to Ray Romano).
I hope you’ll help me feel less nutty. Link up! This linky will be open until midnight, January 13, at which point I should no longer be craving junk food. If you want to tweet about it, please use the hashtag #PMSChronicles. Thanks!
I wonder…
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
Well ummm…have you read my blog?
I change moods faster than my underwear. Being bipolar I’m always feeling like things aren’t firing off normally. But I do notice that during the week before, I turn into a mega bitch. I think that I can telepathically cut a ho with my toenails.
While simultaneously eating a bag of chips.
@Kimberly, Ha. That’s a vision – the toenail thing, not the chips. As someone who just had a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast, I can totally envision eating a bag of chips.
I linky that I’ll never participate in…yet I’ll enjoy reading 😉
@John, You could always write about your wife. She would love that. {insert sarcasm button here} 😉
I think I should keep a journal and try to find a pattern of that sort. I know I have super highs and lows too, although thanks to an IUD I have no “ladies days.” But I kinda wish I did just so I could say “ladies days” more often. 🙂
@Leigh Ann, That made me laugh. Mark likes to say “ladies days” in his weird, game show announcer-like voice. Makes it even better. 😉
Maybe THAT’S why I was a lunatic last week, thinking I no longer knew how to be a human being, let alone a parent!
Girlfriend, I hear you. Especially the part where you’re fooled each month.
I’ll find myself standing at the pantry with tears in my eyes:
“We’re out of PEANUT BUTTER?!?”
How do I not know?
Every time.
Duh.