To all my Twitter holdouts, let me just say I understand your lack of interest in this post. I used to roll my eyes when people talked about Twitter. But then I saw the error of my ways. All I can do is pray that you, too, will one day join me in the virtual hug that is Twitter.
For those of you who have experienced a conversion, I know I’m preaching to the choir. I realize that you already live a 140 character life.
Now, my husband is one of the aforementioned Twitter holdouts. Mark is a tech savvy guy; he loves gadgets, computers, and all things nerdy. And yet, he claims to see no use in having his own Twitter account. I’m working on this.
Mark is not anti-Twitter for other people, though. I mean, he lives with me. If he were intolerant, things could get ugly. He reads my Twitter stream all the time, and looks over my shoulder when I laugh while reading. He also volunteers ideas.
You should tweet that.
Did you tell Twitter about…?
One day he said, “When you tweet that are you going to add one of those pound sign something-somethings?”
I patted him on the head, and said, “It’s called a hashtag on Twitter, honey. Not a pound sign.”
No, I was not anywhere near that condescending, but we did get a laugh out of it since never in the history of our relationship have I been even one iota more savvy than he is about anything technical. So now it has become a thing we do: we add goofy pound sign references to our inane conversations.
It’s not unusual for one of us to yell, “Pound sign: FAIL!” when dealing with irascible kids or a household mishap.
I started thinking about how, in my role as wife and mother and keeper of order in the home, I repeat myself a lot. And I am tired of it. I am really, really tired of saying the same things all day, every day.
My mom used to call these things “Sermonettes.” We would joke that she should just number her sermonettes instead of wasting her breath. So when someone complained about dinner, instead of launching into “This-is-not-a-smorgasbord-and-I’m-not-a-short-order-cook-you-will-eat-this-and-stop-whining,” she could simply shout “Number 87!”
I used to laugh at her. Now, I get it. I so get it, Mom.
I’m very modern, though, with the Twitter and the Internet and the blogging. Instead of sermonettes, I decided I would hashtag our lives.
I got out a marker, some poster board and my trusty paper slicer, which was given to me by a well-meaning relative who assumes that all stay-at-home mothers sit around doing craft and scrapbook projects (bwahahaha, says the woman with two unfinished baby books on the shelf), and I made some hashtags. I now leave them around the house, or hold them up, instead of wearing out my vocal chords.
The fact that my kids can’t read yet puts a small kink in this plan, but so far it’s working really well for my husband.
What follows is a hashtag-themed photo essay. Enjoy.
Might need to get a tattoo of this one.
Aren't we all?
Mama's Special Calming Potion
No Caption Necessary
Some additional hashtags that I find useful.
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
This.Is.Fabulous.
LOVE IT!
My husband HATES it when I’m on Twitter and doesn’t get it. He loathes seeing my Tweetdeck on/open, and so in the evenings I’ve had to work on curbing my Twitter appetite….
erin
@erinlynn76
Oh, yes…#hashtagitis
I do it everywhere…and my speech sounds like I’m ubernutz.
As if I didn’t get judged that way before.
Me at small town grocer: “Can you believe this weather? Cold enough for ya? #frozentitties.”
Yeah, the suburban legend that I am continues.
I think you’re on to something.. Creating hashtags as signs instead of repeating the same nonsense to our families is GENIUS!!
The hubs loves computers & doing techni tuff, but I’m the one who loves the shiny gadgets. And I’m currently shopping for my very first smart phone simply so I can twitter while I’m out & about. I may need an intervention soon.
haha I love this! My hubby has a twitter account but doesn’t have a use for it. (no blog, no other friends on twitter, etc) So he doesn’t quite get it either. I don’t think that many people actually have a ‘use’ for twitter until their friends get on there. Then they really start exploring and talking and yes, #-ing!
I love your mother with the “Number 87!” & your very 2011 version! 🙂
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. Gah life would be so much better hashtagged. #somuchfunnier #butitmayonlybefunnytome #husbandisavaginaandrefusestoconformtotwitter #hesmissingout
I love y’all for this. Especially that you yell out pound sign. I think that I’d have better conversations with people if we stuck to 140 and hashtags. I may suggest it.
#Do not lick your brother.
🙂
That is all!
Pearl
#prettydamnfunny #whydidihavekids #ilovethispost #nuffsaid
LOL!! I Love It! I think you’re on to something! I may have to borrow your idea and hashtag my house this weekend and see what happens! And a good thing… my kids can read!
First sign… #STOP_FIGHTING
The hashtag on your pillow is the absolute best. I am so RT’ing that one.
I love this so much, and am stumbling and digging it!
Mark has learned his lesson, I hope.
So funny!! I think these would come in handy in any household
I love this! Unfortunately, my husband is not only twitter deprived but he is also twitter disinterested. Hashtags would take so much explanation that I fear he’d stop listening before he was able to get the joke. But what I funny joke it would be…
Oh Missy, I am so with you on this. My Sweet Man is now on Twitter and he loves coming up with clever & funny hashtags. He cracks himself up with it all.
I love describing my life in hashtags, I think I might do the same as you. Good stuff.
#greatidea
#stealingthis
My kids CAN read though, so this could get interesting….
#hilarious
Love this idea, you had me laughing all the way through. The #nowhining #lastnerve and #headachedear would be really popular over here. Actually, they all would be! Love this post.
This is brilliantly funny. Smiles all the way through – and bigger when I got to the pictures. Can’t wait to tweet about this. And hashtag it.
I know I’ll smile when I see you at Blissdom. You have been the source of so many already.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this entire post. Especially the part where you’re almost never more tech savvy than your husband. And the #lastnerve sign below the Tanqueray (reserve). And the #donotlickyourbrother warning.
Okay. I loved the whole thing.
#thanksformakingmelaugh.
My husband doesn’t use twitter, or even look at it but I love this idea. I am stumbling this post as well! This is awesome. I feel like creating my own signs!
Don’t get your hubs on Twitter. It’s “funner” to have your own media space, isn’t it?
I love this and am RT’ing!
I followed a tweet by Gigi. This is indeed hilarious and as a fellow Twitter addict (and a backseat tweeter for a husband) I so get it. IMO it actually works better for you now that your kids cannot read. 🙂
I can think of so many others, but here is one #IAmNOTTweetingFromThePotty
HAH. Oh my goodness, there are no words to how much I love this. Hysterical!! can’t wait to meet you next week. We’ll talk in hashtags.
I want to say DontLickYourBrother is my favorite.
But I can’t because I’m looking for a place to get a #StopWhining tat.
#Don’tLikeYourBrother?
#ButHeTastesSoGood
That’s hilarious. #HeadacheDear. Ha!
My hubs just got on because I think he was jealous of Twitter stealing me away from Facebook (which is SO boring now). But since he doesn’t have a “community,” like bloggers, that he follows, he’s just there. Reading my feed. So now I have to be careful. 🙂
I love it! Sadly, neither of my children can read yet either. Ours would be along the lines of #NoTackling #Takeanap #Mommyisblogging #benice #donotsnatchtoys #getofftable
Oddly enough, I channeled a bit of this post with my blog today: the Top 10 Things you Never Say to a Stay at Home Mom – because we all have time for scrapbooking. Uh huh.
Kelly
Eek! I love this! I find myself thinking in hashtags too, which has replaced my thinking in status updates. My sister gives me a RATION of crap about it, but she’s totally new to Twitter, so she doesn’t get it. Yet. #Bwahahaha
Ha! I love it! What a brilliant idea. My husband isn’t twitter savvy either. I tried to get him to tweet, but he’s sort of anti-tweetish.
One time I made the mistake of accompanying my husband to a professional golf tournament. I thought I would fall asleep on my feet, it was so gruelingly boring. And the thing was, you couldn’t even talk! when the golfers were about to tee off, these people would hold up these wooden paddles that said, “HUSH”. As soon as I saw that paddle, I marched right over to the clubhouse and bought me one.
With three girls and the never ending talky talk, I have held up that paddle many a time. I might or might not have also threatened to crack their behinds with that paddle, which I totally never did, so no one hate me.
If I had to hashtag my life these days of teenage girls it would be, #StopTakingAllMyShit. I hope I can say shit here. Sorry if not.
I’ll take a #stopwhining tattoo as well, please!
Oh, this is perfect! I may have to make a set for my own home. You might even consider laminating them and selling them! I’m the only tweeter in my whole house, so they might just ignore them anyway…
I need #LastNerve with me at all times.
Of course my twitter hating husband won’t get it, but my daughter, who is seven, thinks twitter is cool (mostly because there is a little blue bird) and I could use that to my advantage.
Great post Missy! So can relate to so many of the hashtags. Mine is Stop crying!#
I’m playing catch-up and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! I need a set of hashtags too!
My hubs doesn’t tweet or facebook and quite frankly, I love having my own social media space. Though clearly, I’d let him read or see anything he wants – no secrets, just my own little portion of the world.
This is the best thing EVER! I cracked up. I could totally use those signs at my house! maybe I should make some.