Earlier today I was cuh-rank-ee. With a capital K. I don’t know what that means, either.

There was no real reason for the cranky pants attitude, but there it was. And then a few things happened:

1. I watched my kids play in the pool, and even though I had to reprimand their father more than once for unsafe pool antics, it was a joy to watch them swim. Except for the times I thought they were going either bash their heads on the side or drown because of aforementioned unsafe pool antics. But mostly, it was a joy.

2. I listened, once again to this: Go The F*** to Sleep, read by Samuel L. Jackson. If you have children, or even if you’ve ever put a small child to bed, this book is for you. And Samuel L. Jackson? Inspired. That link up there is to Audible, and you’ll need an account to download and listen. It’s free, linked to your Amazon account and super easy to set up. I guess I should note that if you are completely opposed to salty language, you could be offended. But if you have a sense of humor, you’re probably good to go. So listen. And laugh.

3. This arrived in the mail:

You know Jimmy is my TV boyfriend, and now I have proof that we would get along famously. This book of off-beat thank you notes is readable in about ten minutes, plus or minus depending on how often you stop to read one of the thank you notes out loud to your husband, who laughs politely since he didn’t understand what you said through your laugh-cry delivery.

A few of my favorites:

(Remember my tirade on paper products? Me and Jimmy, we are like this on the subject.)

Thank you …first sheet of new toilet paper roll that won’t tear off evenly so I have to scratch and claw and shred three layers of the roll just to get the thing started. But that’s cool. I think I’ll have the last laugh, since I know where you’re ending up.

And this one kills me, because we’ve been saving corks to make a corkboard for 15 years. It’s absurd. You know I’m never making that corkboard.

Thank you …wine cork collection. I know I never got around to making that corkboard – but look how much I drink!

This is a fraction of our corks. These are the old ones, as evidenced by the Llano cork there in the front. That was from our post-college, pre-discerning tastes phase. Not that we're all that discerning now. (Hello, box wine!)

While I could go on and reprint the whole book here, I won’t. Because that would be wrong. So I’ll do just one more.

Earlier this week I tweeted the following:

Then it happened to me again at the gym – easily 10 or more open elliptical machines and a woman decides to take the one right next to me. So this made me laugh, even though I can’t directly to relate to the scenario:

Thank you …guy who uses the urinal right next to me even though there are literally ten open urinals. Why not put your arm around my shoulder while we’re at it? Maybe we can reach over and flush each other’s toilets. You know, just a couple of “synchronized pee pals.” Thanks.

There you have it. The cure for the cranky pants.

I wonder…

:: What makes you shake the cranky pants?

:: Is it just me, or do men completely disregard general safety in swimming pools? I spend my entire time saying, “Don’t do that again!” and searching for the defibrillator I’ll need to revive myself when I have the inevitable heart attack after watching my husband swing the toddler upside down right next to the edge of the pool.