You know I love the small world created by the Internet, and today my guest writer is a real life friend whom I met online. I’d seen Kim’s name on our Austin Bloggers group list, and then one day I saw her name on a volunteer list at school. I thought, what are the odds someone with the same name (and her last name is not a common one) just happens to have a child at the same school H. attends?
So I sent her a stalker-y Facebook message – nothing like a message from an almost-stranger, asking where your kids go to school, right? But it turns out, Austin Blogger Kim and Elementary School Volunteer List Kim are the same person. And now we see each other almost every day. How about that?
Today Kim is here sharing a thoughtful, heartbreaking piece about parenting.
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In the last week I have had two conversations that have really got me thinking. The first was with my sister-in-law. Last Summer, her husband’s sister lost custody of her children. In a sad turn of events, both parents were sent to jail and two boys, ages 5 and 12, were left without parents to take care of them.
Despite having her own two children (3 and 3 months at the time), she and her husband stepped up to the plate to help out. The parents were quickly released from jail, but had no desire or intention to take their boys back. They had a taste of freedom and they were clinging to it. While my sister-in-law and her family struggled financially to support two growing boys, trying to dig out of debt and take care of their own girls, the parents of these abandoned boys offered no financial assistance.
The most recent episode in a string of insane behavior came when the 12 year old needed new shoes. His father, who lives out of state and makes more than enough money to buy his SON a pair of shoes said he would pay for half. Half of a pair of shoes? And who is supposed to pay for the other half? Oh that’s right, the couple that took in your children and now has to declare bankruptcy. Of course.
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Yesterday I spoke with my sister on the phone. She is the mom to 5 great kids, from two different marriages. Both marriages failed because the men she chose made very poor choices. She has never wanted her children to suffer because she didn’t have the money needed to give them what they needed. She has always had a string of jobs and can count on 2 hands the amount of child support she has gotten in the last 20 years. She has never fought it because it was worth it to her to keep her children happy and not have a fight with their fathers.
Her most recent ex-husband, the father of her 11, 12 and 15 year old children, has been unemployed for 6 months. He was able to find a good job out of state. He will be making triple what she makes now and will not ever have the kids come stay with him. When she requested he pay her more to help with the children he flat out refused. “The courts say I only have to give x amount, that is all you will ever see from me.”
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This complete lack of responsibility completely baffles me. How can a parent just ignore the fact that they have these small people who need them? How can a person, in good conscience, walk away from their responsibilities? How in the world can someone bring a child into the world and after a time decide that they no longer are willing to provide for them? I know this is not a new phenomenon, as evidenced by generations of children being raised by grandparents, but it just makes me wonder.
I wonder…
:: How on earth you can walk away from your children, deny them the basic needs of life, and continue to think you are doing ok?
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About the Writer
Kim is the Mama to 5 beautiful hooligans, 4 living and 1 waiting for her in Heaven. She and her husband are recent transplants to Texas and are learning to love their new home. She writes at Prairie Mama and loves to chat with her friends on Twitter!
Lapsed homemaker. Looking to hire a full-time housekeeper who will work for the sheer joy of a job well done and free coffee. Interested parties, DM please. 
Oh, this brings tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine how people walk away completely from their children. It hurts me to the core. I also have a friend who has neighbors who go out every night without their kids and babysitters mostly raise them – a carousel of strangers coming through their house. It makes me want to throw up with distress.
What a compelling and heartbreaking post. My husband’s father walked out on them, and after years of struggling with their “relationship,” my husband finally wrote him off and told him never to contact us again. My sister was dating a guy who deceived her and skipped town when he found out she was pregnant. Not ever knowing the baby is one thing, but when you’ve raised them? How can you just walk out on that? I love the little taste of freedom too, but I always ache to see them again, even if it’s only been an afternoon.
I will never, ever understand someone who can walk away from or otherwise harm an innocent child. I can only surmise that such individuals are simply not properly equipped themselves. Sociopaths, perhaps?!
It’s hard on the family who takes on extra kids, both financially and emotionally. But in the long run the family may be richer for it. I gained an unexpected sister this way (and down the line two adorable nephews). It was a long road, but I’m so glad she’s a party of our family.
This is a subject I wonder about often but can never write about because I want to protect my daughter’s feelings but my oldest daughter has a different father than my husband, one who has never felt any responsibility for her, only pays child support when he feels like it and just general has no bond with her. I will never understand it and ultimately had to let go of my anger over the situation because it was eating me up and truly, he is the one missing out on an amazing child.
This baffles me, too. I simply can’t understand it. Thank goodness there are wonderful people out there willing to love those kids, but they will always still have wounds from being abandoned by their parents. This reminds me of a great post I just read on Single Dad Laughing about how Real Dads Don’t Leave. True. Thanks for being here and sharing.