Comments on: Childcare for the Stay-at-Home Mom

By: Jean@MommyToTwoBoys

Jean@MommyToTwoBoys — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 01:36:47 +0000

Wow, it is like you are in my head, as cheesy as that sounds. I have been stressing so much over this lately!!! I just can’t do it all. As you said, I have tried so many things and can not hit my stride. There are not enough hours!

I, like you need to have a pretty neat house with “chores” done. I like to have a neat house and cook dinner nightly. And I want to be with my kids when they are here and awake. I don’t want to look back and think I missed out on this precious time that will end sooner than I know, as you also mentioned.

But to also do my blog, the other little things I can’t get done while the kids are around (household stuff), and work from home (which I do part time/almost not at all right now) I can’t manage. An extra hand is not an option, but I have been looking at 2 year old programs so maybe my little guy can go 2 days a week. Unfortunately, he would go mornings, since he still naps about an hour or 2 in the afternoon and my older son goes to school in the afternoon. So that really won’t help with the time issue, but would give me more alone time with my older son.

It is hard. Very hard. And I know a mom who does NOTHING, no blog, no job, no hobbies, and she has a housecleaner, an aupair, landscapers, and both her kids are in school full time!!! How could I not compare and be jealous???

By: Micheline

Micheline — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 21:08:55 +0000

I work at home on Tuesdays and Thursdays. (Hi! It’s Tuesday and my son is napping and I should be working.) My sister in law comes over for about 3 hours in the afternoons to watch my son. We pay her. If the weather permits, she will take him to the park or out of the house for some activity. It is HEAVEN to have the house all to myself to work for those hours. It’s so worth it. And if they can’t leave the house, I lock myself in the office and she keeps him entertained and away from me. I will occasionally go run an errand, too. I like your idea of getting a pedicure, though. Hmm…

By: Mandi

Mandi — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 14:55:43 +0000

Until recently we just hired a baby sitter to come over once a month so my husband and I could go on a date. But I finally talked him into hiring a baby sitter to come over every Thursday evening so I can go to a ladies bible study. We pay her $20 each week to watch my daughter for a mere two hours. It’s nice to count on someone consistently. Although, two hours every week probably isn’t enough time to write a book. 🙁 I really hope you can come up with something soon!

By: Yuliya

Yuliya — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 23:11:40 +0000

What perfect timing you have. I was having this exact same discussion with my husband today. My kiddo is almost ten months and I am starting to lose it just a tad. In an ideal world I would find a nanny type person one to two hours a day for maybe two to four days a week? Something like that. They would have to come to me and I would have to stay nearby…but maybe in a different room so I could write? blog? play solitaire?
Let us know what you decide!

By: Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities

Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 22:31:53 +0000

Oh, I am so happy to read this post because I have been asking myself many of these questions lately. I am exceedingly fortunate in that I have a full-time nanny (she comes 4 days a week and babysits two nights). She is amazing and I do not know what I would do without her. Even with her help though, I find myself stretched and scrambling. It is STILL hard for me to cobble together those hours to write. I don’t know how this is possible other than that, despite her presence, I still do a ton with my kids. Often, I feel guilty about having her assistance, but my husband, sweet man, reminds me that writing is my JOB. Which it is. It is also my passion and without it, I would not be happy or a good mom. So. I cannot tell you what to do, particularly where finances are involved, but I can say that I so get your need for extra help so that you can do what you love to do and need to do. Best of luck in coming to the best decision for you and your family!

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 22:31:24 +0000

what a good post, Missy – hmmm… how to respond? You are so brave to open yourself up to all our mom advice. 🙂 I truly believe that there is no one right way to do it – to cobble together pieces that work for you, your kids, your family…I think that you should absolutely try out a sitter – giving yourself the freedom of knowing that you can always change your mind or reconfigure arrangements if its just not working out. For me it has been juggling and finding bits and pieces of time here and there. Tag-teaming with Paul, getting work and writing done at weird times, and being hugely blessed to have my aunt take care of my kids while I’m seeing students. I truly don’t know how my book got written – it seems miraculous- it was painful – but somehow it got done- but I think that writing fiction is an entirely different beast and would require much more solitude and quiet and time to get into a creative space mentally. That just doesn’t happen with kiddos around. Personally – I could not work with my kids in the house, even with a sitter. Waking up early seemed to be a recipe for disaster. Maybe try a sitter and have two dedicated chunks of time: mental health day(pedicure, staring into space) and writing day (having a specific goal helped me) and find a quiet-ish place away from home to write. I would sit with my headphones in listening to nothing while working at my laptop in a coffee shop. My tolerance for noise has greatly increased since becoming a mom – if no one is yelling “Mommy” or climbing on me, I just don’t hear it.
And no guilt allowed. What a better gift to give to your boys than to follow your dreams!! Can’t wait to hear how it goes.

By: Christina

Christina — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 22:09:41 +0000

Missy,
I am with all of your other loyal readers. Do It! If you have the resources, at.all.do.it!
I really pulled my hair out over the summer when both kids were home. It is tough to sit and write when you are supposed to sit and write.
Here’s an idea. You can hire me as your nanny 2 days a week. There, it’s a win-win, problem solved.

By: joann mannix

joann mannix — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 21:55:19 +0000

This is what I have to say. Do. It. My girls are all teens, so I don’t have your problem, but I remember those days. And as someone who has just, kind of, completed writing my novel, (one little revision and I am done), I understand. You DO need stretches of uninterrupted time to get that creativity flowing. For me, it takes me a while every time I sit in front of that computer to find my groove. And it is impossible when you have other things occupying your mind, like squalling children or a dirty house.

If you don’t do it, you’ll end up with writing like Stephanie Meyer’s. Sorry. But it’s true. And I think the rule is, only every ten years does one badly written novel get to be a blockbuster seller. And I feel the same way about JK Rowling. Her writing reminds me of the fairy tales I read as a child, just lush in imaginative imagery and so well written.

I used to have a little home schooled teen who would come over twice a week for the day and help me out. Whatever you think it will take to get that writing locomotion going, is what you should aim for. Good luck.

By: Rudri Patel

Rudri Patel — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 21:24:15 +0000

Missy,

I am only balancing one child so I can speak to that experience. When she isn’t in school, I take care of her at home. I try to use the time she in school to write, but sometimes that doesn’t work. I write well at night, so usually after I put her to sleep, I try to squeak out some words. I understand what you are talking about – other women have wrote their novels, etc with more constraints than me and I still can’t figure out why I can’t get disciplined to do it. I suspect it is fear, but that is another topic for another day.
As far as your dilemma is concerned, how about hiring a mom’s helper? I find that isn’t as expensive as a daycare or a babysitter and you may be able to write for a few hours. Another suggestion – One writer I know recommended that I wake up one hour earlier than when I usually do and use that hour to write. I don’t know if that is feasible for you, but it might be worth a shot.
Good luck!

By: liz

liz — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 21:21:12 +0000

I am at home, though both girls are in school. but just 3 hours long, twice a week. and i can tell you i get less stuff on days when they are AT school than at home! not complaining. just that some women kept saying to me, “what are you going to do with all your free time?” when maddie unexpectedly started a mothers’ day out program this year. Um, a whole hour 15 minutes in between driving them/picking them up? i do the dishes, pick up toys and run an errand. whoopity do!