An ode? Are you kidding me? You, Cedar Trees, have not earned an ode. You are jerks, and I’ve had about enough of your Cedar Fever. Why do we even encourage you by giving the you-induced sniffles a catchy name?

I’d call for your complete eradication, but I imagine that wouldn’t get a lot of traction around here. I need to do some homework to confirm this, but I think I once heard that you are a non-native, invasive, water-sucking parasite. In that case, Cedar Trees, you must have very powerful friends or you are home to some endangered gnat, because I’m hard pressed to find any other redeeming qualities that would send people to bat for you. You’re not even pretty. Oh, I said it. And I meant it.

So no ode for you, Cedar Trees. For you, a poetry slam. As in I’m slamming you. Get it? You don’t get it, trees. You’re too stupid.

Die, Cedar Trees

Cedar trees, you suck.
And I blow.
My nose, you perverts.
Please just go.

Cedar trees, just stop.
Trollops, you.
Spreading your… pollen.
Get a room.

Cedar trees, please die.
We hate you.
I hurt your feelings?
Well, f… ahhh-choo!