Am I Beyond Help? My Trip to the Spa

Last week I was indulgent and self-absorbed and coated in herbal-scented oils.

I got a massage.

And it was one of the best massages I’ve ever had. I was so relaxed that I fell asleep on the table. Yes, I did, and I’m not one bit embarrassed about it. I am a little embarrassed about the snoring. Just a little, though.

So the massage was amazing, but… (There’s always a but.)

But, according to the massage therapist my muscles are outrageously tight and knotted up. She kindly recommended that I stretch more often and consider frequent massages.

Next, after 80 minutes (80!! Eight-Zero minutes. Mercy.), of having my muscles rubbed into submission, I got a facial. I cannot remember the last time I had a facial, but I think I was pregnant with P, who will be two soon.

The esthetician was trying to be kind, but her disappointment was clear when she asked, “Do you exfoliate weekly, dear?”

Well, I thought I did, but apparently it’s not working. I use this fruit enzyme scrub in the shower a couple times each week, but according to the woman squeezing gunk out of my pores, my scrub is not working. Or I’m possibly doing it wrong. Turns out, I have no idea how to properly rid my face of dead skin cells. Add skincare to the list of stuff I’m messing up.

I gathered from the tut-tuts that my chin congestion rivals that of my cedar-fevered head. This skincare guru then recommended that I consider purchasing some more effective products, and, you guessed it: try to get more frequent facials.

If I’m to follow the guidance I received during my day of indulgence, my periodic trips to the spa need to become once or twice-monthly trips. And I need to invest in some better (read: pricey) products to use at home.

I’m sure these women meant well. Neither one of them was pushy or rude. Well, the esthetician seemed a little dismayed by the state of my chin, but she was mostly kind. On the way home from Me Day, with arms so relaxed and noodly I probably shouldn’t have driven, I had some thoughts:

1. Perhaps I look rich? But who looks rich while wearing the spa-provided robe and sporting oiled-up-crazy-massage hair? Maybe everyone does? It just might be a Great Equalizer Look: when everyone looks the same level of greasy and bed-headed, they all look wealthy.

2. Am I really that pathetic or does everyone get unsolicited advice when they go to the spa? Did the women who pampered me take pity on me, and genuinely want to help? Or do they just spew out advice to everyone they treat?

3. Where can I get a big bucket of money earmarked entirely for personal care? I know it’s incredibly self-indulgent, but I don’t think I care. My face is glowing, people. And my old lady, trick hip has not bothered me in two days. There is no more hitch in my giddy-up.

So I wonder…

:: Do you treat yourself to an indulgent Me Day every once in a while? How often?

:: What’s your best at-home skincare secret?

:: Do you get unsolicited advice from spa personnel? Or do I just look especially helpless?


  1. They ALL do it to everyone. Although, my masseuse actually printed out a page of exercises for me to do at home to untighten my shoulders, so maybe there are special basket cases like us who get more advice.

    And get some face cream w/Vitamin A–works better than exfoliating.

    Spa Slut

  2. I went to the spa once and they DEFINITELY felt free to give me unsolicited advice! Though even with the great equalizer look I would think I look too young to possibly have the kind of money required for frequent spa visits!

  3. I always get ridiculous advice when I go to the spa, but I’m pretty sure I’m pathetic so I wouldn’t use me as a benchmark.

  4. Man, if I had the money, I’d go in a heartbeat. I love how they professionally rip your hygiene down and tell you that the only way to remedy it is to “buy” a bazillion products. Sigh…

  5. I’ve NEVER had a full out spa day. I’ve had only 3 massages and 2 pedicures in my whole life…one of those massages was last week. I love them…but I feel selfish spending our hard-earned money on things like that. It seems like such a luxury item. If I could figure out how to crap money…I would totally do them once or twice a month. BUt until then, looks like I’m on the once every 4 or 5 year plan :(

  6. I ask for spa gift certs for every holiday. I’d go weekly if I could spare the cash. The facials, though, dayum, they try to sell me crap. That’s their job 😉

  7. I’m SOOO not the girl you want to ask! Well, actually you probably do. Because then you’ll be THRILLED with yourself compared to me!

  8. Oh my! I don’t even try to exfoliate once a week (or ever) so I can only imagine the tut tutting I’d receive from anyone giving me a facial.

    Having admitted that, I think everyone deserves an occasional day of indulgence at a spa. But do I do it?

    No way. I am far too self-conscious and worried I’ll get naked when I’m not supposed to or stay in my clothes when I should be nuded up.

    I have been to the spa a couple of times for OTHER PEOPLE’s big events (bachelorette party, turning 40-holy-crap party) and every time?

    I feel like a total outsider. Like everyone knows I don’t exfoliate.

    So as far as I’m concerned? You handled your day like a rock star.

    Carry on.


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